To you who found this

Photosource

I'll stop the world and melt with you.

To Our Noble Ambitions

Photosource

Why do we do what we do? We struggle to aim for something, but do we really know why we're doing this? We could have a lot of noble ambitions in life but what is our end goal, really?

Karen

To Stubborn Situations

Photosource

In the beginning, it seems like a happy and playful experience to rock back and forth on a horse. But soon as you notice it's getting you nowhere, and you still keep on rocking back and forth, it frustrates you and you would want to leave and move forward. That's when you realize, time for the real horse now.

Rock ahead.

Karen

To Fables

Photosource

We read and we listen,

we leaf through your pages.

In your simple world you speak of truth,
in her extravagant life, she speaks of beauty.

You are wisdom, and she is love.
She is popular, and you are barely known.

Is it not wisdom that we need
Are you not the words we need to hear?

You speak of a simple life,
Life in simple happiness and truth.

//karen

To A Couple

Photosource

They looked beautiful,
smiling and dancing and in each other's arms.
The naturalness of how they look at each other
the happiness in the corners of their eyes and lips
every detail was captured, in black and white
in highlighted hues, and desaturated photos
without words, without motion.
in still, lighted and shadowed photos
they whispered things to each other,
and to the spectator, their love.

Karen

To Your Random Ways

Photosource

In fragmented pieces you walk on the ramp.

In incomplete thoughts, you speak your words.

You act like you're certain, but aren't really.

In confusion, you laugh and walk away slowly.

Karen

To Your Unbelief

Photosource

There is magic even in your state of disbelief. You are awed even if you show refusal to concede.

To You

Photosource

Breakfast is always best experienced when shared. Have you eaten breakfast? I made one for us.

Karen

To Dad, on Christmas

Photosource

Hi Dad! Christmas is nearing already, and you know what that means. You used to fear of the expenses made on this season, but not this year. You used to watch us hurry our preparation for Christmas, but maybe not so this year. This is not the first Christmas without you, and I don't think I can keep on counting the next of it without you. You know I never stopped missing you, it's just that, Christmas is a perfect excuse to voice out how much I miss you.

Anyway, may this year be as special as the ones we spent together. At the same time, may this year's Christmas be special in a way that it's uniquely ours, not just spent on reminiscing, but creating new memories together as a family.

This year's Christmas will be different because of the whole lot of new people I met, and with the few which I'll be happy to spend and wish a good Christmas with. And this year will be the first Christmas we'll spend away from home --- new sights, new taste, and a different Christmas breeze. The thought of it excites me already, but more than that, it's cherishing our being together as a family.

I know, I know. There really is no point trying to make you feel envious of what our Christmas celebration will be. I'm pretty sure yours is grand and utterly joyful. I guess all I want to say is, no matter how much we try spending Christmas differently, you will always take part in it, and you will always keep the family together.

We won't be home for Christmas... but so will you. I'll still wait for you, though.

Love you, Dad.

Your daughter,
Karen

P.S. I still have a Christmas wishlist to give to you. :)

To My Unnamed Friend

Photosource

You probably won't think this is you, but read on, and I'm sure you'll understand what I'm talking about and realize this is you.

You're a person in search of greatness in other people, for this I'm sure you know how it feels to meet someone you deem to be great. For so long we've been talking about people and their wonderful capabilities and unrelenting principles. For a long time already, we've talked about people who are courageous and are out of the norm and are already living their dream. And now I wonder, why did it take me this long before I realize your own greatness?

You have no idea how this feels. It's a cognitive dissonance between feeling proud and feeling deceived. I feel deceived, because all this time that we talk of other people's greatness, you are already living your own greatness. But at the same time it leaves me a little pride that I am witnessing these and more of these unfolding right before me.

It was stupid of me to have asked you, why do you keep these things to yourself? You never intended to keep them in you, you were simply living it, without you thinking about it, without you being aware of it... you were simply on it. And it's up to the rest of us around you to discover these things in you little by little.

You're an irony. You hope of being great, when you already are. You admire other people's greatness, when you live like it doesn't really matter if you exude this greatness or not. You're simply you, and I guess that's what makes you genuinely great as a person.

Your friend,
Karen

P.S. The photo: may you as well fly above your own ocean. May you see where the sky and the ocean meet like there's no difference between them anymore.

To Today

Photosource

I woke up with the wrong pair of socks today --- a happy-anxious feeling.

To Life

Photosource

Are you still here out of love? Or are you, as well, steered down by love of comfort and greed? People have been seeking you out for their own good. They only think of the material and tangible consequences of their actions, without even considering its moral implications. It's scary, I tell you. We are slowly redefining both life and killing to their opposing poles. The importance of life is no longer inclined to the thought of giving life, but to get life we want for ourselves. The gravity of killing is desensitized by our so-called "medical concerns" and "women's rights", so much so, abortifacient pills are more of protective pills than toxic substances to life.

Man's greed for pleasure is feeding on a hedonistic society. We want pleasure without responsibility. We have taken out this pleasure out of its good context and time frame, because we want it for ourselves and we want it now. You are lived as if you're not time-bound anymore. People want everything now, at this instant. Have we already lost the concept of waiting?

Life used to thrive on values and virtues, but now, people are trying to prove we could have you without these virtues and values, such that a campaign arose: "There probably is no God, so stop worrying and enjoy life."

But not to worry, there are still a number of us ready to fight for you. What you truly are must be revealed, what beauty you possess must be simply lived.

To Mervyn

Photosource

You are a person of simplicity, and it's always a delight to talk with you. You're not simpleminded but you manifest the simplicity of a child. You are like a lamppost to me, because you remind me that there is still living goodness in this world, and that not all people have lost their sense of right and wrong. You exemplify a true Christian spirit, where every simple work you do is done with a lot of love for Him.

To you, who cheerfully lives a Christian life, this post is for you.

Karen

To Maguindanao

Photosource

No human expression is enough to be able to console you in your situation. There is a desolate panorama continuing to unfold before us. And as of yet, there is no certainty as to when this will end. We seek for hope, but somehow, this is overpowered by the situation's uncertainty and dire violence.

The number of massacred people, your people, is growing by the day. They buried them beneath you. They were tortured and buried, with fear and utmost sadness as the last expression in their faces. All these for some political rubbish that I still try to understand. There may be more of those massacred that are yet to be unearthed, but so is truth hidden and buried beneath mountain of lies.

Those of us who watch and wait thousands of miles away from the eye of the storm could sense the strong vibration of your fear. But know this, in times like this, when there seems to be no way to give direct help, the most heroic deed, maybe, is for us to be hopeful and believe that this too shall pass, as any other dark storms do. We could, as well, succumb to fear, but if we could be strong for you, then we will --- with a lot of hope through prayers.

Karen

P.S. Please send my condolences to the families of the victims.

To Brevs

Photosource

To your sweet notes left secretly in my bag, thank you. Here's a can of crayons for you, maybe it has indigo in it to fill up your incomplete rainbow for me. Thanks for never failing to brighten up my day. :)

Karen

P.S. I saw a rainbow on my way home on the same day you gave that note to me. Did you see that, too?

To Sunday

Photosource

I'm home today. You used to mean lazy day for the family. Back when dad was alive, I would wake up 10 in the morning and my dad would be cleaning his car already. The garage is all wet from the car wash and from watering his plants. I would smell the aroma of coffee, and the newspaper looks like it was already read 5 times cover to cover.

You're a special day because no one's in a hurry. My workaholic dad is home and not in a hurry to go to the hospital. Though it's your day, he'd still do his rounds and see if his patients are doing okay. Parking lot of the hospital is not even half-full as every doctor I know are with their family having family day. While we, the family, are waiting for my dad to finish his rounds or sometimes, chemotherapy. After which, we'd hear mass then to the mall, to watch a movie, do some grocery-shopping, or to just hang-out. And before we head home, we'd pass by the hospital again because my dad would say he forgot to do something or that one of his patients needs his attending. This was our idea of a family day: my dad's still working, but the family hops along his trip, and everyone else's errands are just secondary to his. Of course we were always grumpy about this, but in the end we were always happy to convince him to go to the mall with us.

Nowadays, you've become a little different for us. It's no longer a lazy day for us. Everyone is up by 8am, having breakfast, reading up for school, tidying the house, and getting ready for noon mass. I still smell the aroma of coffee, my mom never fails to brew for the both of us in the morning (she used to brew for herself and my dad). There's still newspaper, well, only if my brother's not lazy enough to buy one. There's not much routine anymore, every Sunday's pretty much different from another Sunday. By late afternoon or early evening, I'm already headed to Manila for school the next day.

The next day, I wake up, it's school again. My mom's not around, I don't hear the noise of the television anymore, but just the quiet morning slowly becoming noisy as the day sets in with the rest of the class. It's Monday. Nothing to hate about Monday, but she's just really different from you.

Monday's lovely, but sometimes I wish I could have more than 24 hours in your day. Can I have 7 Sundays a week? Wouldn't that be perfect? :)

Karen

To Your Effort

Photosource

In your array of photos do you see a particular progress? Is it taking you anywhere, or are you just floating by life and allowing its course to take you wherever? If so, please say so and don't include me in your stop-stare-and-float game. I have plans and it's not helping me keep up with my schedule if I just go by the blowing of the wind, or the current of the river. This is taking me nowhere, I should go ahead --- against the current, if I must.

Karen

To Consciousness

Photosource

Philosophers and scientists have been talking about you and are rather perturbed still with a lot of questions even up to present. Questioning you is just like questioning existence, yet there are a whole lot of fine elements concerning you that merely knowing existence can't just address.

The firing of ions and chemicals such as calcium, sodium, potassium and chloride, are as far and as minute as we could go to explain the decisions we make and the behavior we manifest. Yet, somehow, the idea of chemicals controlling the actions we make seems not to be enough for us to understand you and our being. How can mere chemicals enable our cognitive to have thoughts as basic as 'what do I want to eat right now?' to thoughts as profound as 'why are we even trying to explain consciousness and existence?' Are you simply controlled by these chemicals?

Many scientists have tried to locate in the brain where cognitive processes occur and where decisions are made. Recent discoveries have shown where intentions to act can be stimulated in the brain. Participants reported an urge to move a particular part of their bodies without necessarily enacting them.

...the brain has specific cortical circuits that, when triggered, are associated with sensations that arise in the course of wanting to initiate and then carry out a voluntary action. (Koch, 2009)

I think that this is a very valuable discovery and is a big leap to answering so much of our questions. However, knowing the mechanism of the brain is somehow still not enough to bring us peace  of mind as to why we intend to do such things. I believe that our free will cannot be limited by mere chemicals and stimulation of the brain. Science can answer adequately the how of certain concepts, but it will always be short of response to our why questions.

There's a fishy idea with the thought of disregarding your metaphysical explanation. Some scientists find it uncomfortable to accept the idea of the soul in explaining you and free will. However, I believe that scientific explanations are there to support the metaphysical explanations. They are never and should not be opposing ideas, for they explain concepts at different levels, and are therefore expected to complement each other.

I don't have answers to some of their questions either, but I'm rather happy with both the scientific and metaphysical explanations there are at present.

Just so you know, I thought of you today.

Karen

To Lee-Ann

Photosource

This post is for you, because you deserve it. You radiate with happiness and optimism, and these are only two of the many things why it's always a pleasure to be around you. You have an understanding that's more profound than anyone I know, and you make people happy in your little and simple ways. Lee-ann, you have no idea how thankful I am to God each day for giving me a friend like you. You embody a concrete proof of God's love for me. :) Thank you for being that gift to me.

If there's someone who knows how to create a trail of happiness, that would be you.

Take care always, friend :)

Karen

To You Who Feels Discouraged

Photosource

It's just like riding a carousel. You go up and down, and you feel frustrated at times with your shifting mood: sometimes optimistic, sometimes discouraged. Others see you and find nothing wrong, because truth is, you're still on the same plane. You have not lost your track, and you're not losing it as long as you keep up with the ride.

Just enjoy the ride, and get to know those beside you. :)

Karen

To No One in Particular

Photosource

They say, when someone gives you a thousand paper cranes, you get to have one wish and it will be granted. These past days feel like I've been given a thousand paper cranes, and feel like having one wish granted. I think this goes to say, there are just so many things to be thankful for.

I'm happy because of certain known things, and sometimes for no particular reason. At any circumstance, it becomes more meaningful when it also makes other people happy.

Karen

To Happy Breakfast

Photosource

You know I look forward to you every morning. But i just want you to know, you were lovelier this morning. :)

Karen

To Dreams

Photosource

I've been in doubt since the first time I thought of you. Taking little steps to get to you, I thought, maybe in time I'd come to a clear realization of why I should pursue you. And in the little steps I took, I'm only getting closer and closer to see you realized, while I was still fleety-floaty on what I want to do with you. But these past weeks, I've been getting faint affirmations of why you are for me. I'm not going to wait for bigger and clear signs anymore, I think it has already been shown to me. I might have missed the sign along the way, but it doesn't matter anymore. 

My brother has told me once, doubt is a good thing because it gets us to certainty. Well, is it not true that when we get near to what we really want -- something which we desire from the depths of our heart -- we become uncertain for fear of losing it. This uncertainty expands to fear of losing other aspects of life as we pursue you, fear of sacrificing so much for you, and fear of realizing we've made a mistake. But then, we know so well your value, and you could never be worth less than any of the little things we could sacrifice for you.

It's no longer uncertainty in the struggle and the difficulty you entail. At one point, we come to realize, we've been uncertain and not wanting to let go of you because we just know we can't leave you. That it's certainly right to be here, where the road leads to you. 

Once and for all, I will face you with a lot of courage and faith. I will get to you head-on, and with arms outstretched to embrace you fully and with a lot of love.

I will be a doctor.


Karen

To Friday the 13th

Photosource

Today I was not very particular of your presence. Not that you really mattered, but that things went by like a leaf falling from a tree: ordinarily unnoticed. Now, as I kiss you goodbye, I become aware of the good things that happened to me today. I can't really say you have anything  to do with it, but just the same, it happened on your day.

Productive day today. I once again saw our cadaver, one which I half-intentionally forgotten about over the sembreak. It looked like it also got carried away during the break as it brought several species to life. Imagine that. What could be more fitting for this day than to witness the presence of life from death. Our cadaver had mushrooms and molds and larva and what-not's. Even so, we were able to put a check on what needed to be dissected today.

And then I had ice cream with my favorite bully-ee and my co-bully. Happy ice cream, happy how-are-you, happy bullying, happy bullied, happy listening to bullying. This is one good detox moment. :) We had a good laugh trying to scare bully-ee about her way home.

Why do I even bother telling these to you? Maybe just to drive the point that you worry about people thinking and feeling you're bad luck, truth is, you're just like any other ordinary day -- with happy times and bully sessions.

Best of Luck!

Karen

To Optimism

I could already feel you. The butterflies? Not anymore.

I feel it in my fingers

I feel it in my toes.

Well love is all around me

And so the feeling grows.


There's been so much of you these days. I love how almost everyone I met today feel you in almost the same way I do. But this is not yet the real test of how well we're acquainted with you. The real test comes when it gets tough and trying. 

I have somehow learned how to play your game last semester. You show yourself when everyone's up and smiling, happy and laughing; and this is normally at the beginning of something important. Then you start to disguise yourself when things are starting to gear toward the rough roads, until I could only see your silhouette that I could barely recognize you. I will not lose sight of you this time.


Positively yours,
Karen

To School

Photosource

I am finally ending my semestral break, and will be seeing more of you again. Nine hours a day, 5 days a week, what more could I ask for. There's just so much time to share different moments with you; be it happy, sad or failing moments, all-laughter and teary days, or even insignificant-turned-memorable days.

I can't really say I missed you, but I can more or less say I'm ready to see you. You're a poofer in a lot of ways, you know, and in that aspect, I actually see myself in you. And because of that, I can somehow predict you already. But I'm hoping you'll be kinder this semester and give more room for adjustment. If not, haha well, I wont take it against you. You've always been like that. And I love you just the same.

Best of Luck!

Karen

To Me

Photosource

Really now? Haha fine, I will not be pessimistic about it. Yes, let's not procrastinate this semester.

Karen

To The Serious

Sometimes we restrict ourselves to the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg? Has anyone thought of asking, how did the egg feel after seeing its roasted mother. After which, the egg was left with one or two of these possibilities: beaten, scrambled and fried. poor fate.

harhar.

Karen

To Hello

photosource

Hello. I like you, because you're not proud. You're a friend to most strangers, and you don't take a lot of airtime. You're simple and sweet, but often taken for granted. With your simplicity, you open up a whole lot of possibilities between two people, but it has, as well, led other people to downplay your importance. Imagine how much a simple 'hello' from a busy person brightens up the day of the person who has been waiting for it.

You have a short but meaningful period of existence. In some occasions, you're surprising, but often you're in your casual and ordinary tone. I like you in whatever circumstance. You're strong enough to break the silence, but always giving way for other thoughts to flourish. In the beginning, you're always there. In the end, well, I could choose to still have you. Hello.

Karen

P.S. You're never the same with "goodbye"; except maybe in Hawaii.

To The Jury

(Photo from vi.sualize.us)

I have fallen prey to my hated cliche. I still laugh at it, though (we both do).
I plead guilty.

Karen

To My Royal Highness

Photosource

I received your sweet note today.

Thank you. :)

Your daughter,

Karen

To What's Real

Photo by mechtaniya

And she said, "I trust you in your decisions". After which, everything else seemed heavier than they were. How can she trust my decisions that made the wrong turn? Or maybe she meant, "I hope things turn out alright". Maybe it's not right to hold on to merely what's real. Maybe this is just not the time for it. Maybe this is but an overview. Not in this time frame, not in the present verse.

And you start making people think, "Is this necessary?" To one who's ready, it's always a clear "yes". but to one who's not ready, "I don't know". And not knowing is just not enough. It's either this, or that. There's always a choice that we have to leave. And a choice we have to live.

Misaligned choices will have to be adjusted constantly, and it could be tiring. You say you stay not for happiness, but that because you chose to. It sounds selfless and noble, but not necessarily. You could simply be tiring yourself out without necessity.

Every laughter is real, but so is pain. People long for you in hopes of finding happiness. And maybe the lack of it is just a sign of a choice misplaced.

To Mr. Halloween

Photo by sunside

Let me know if you're in town already. Little kids will be going around again, shouting trick or treat, going home with a bunch of goodies and sweets. Can't wait to see them in costume. What do you have for me today? Is it a trick or a treat?

Boo!

Karen

P.S. Black cat got scared seeing herself in the mirror. Oh no, bad luck for black cat!

To Faith

Photo by Kristine May

I just know you're there, and that you have never really left me. Even amidst the raging storm, you're there and we will conquer whatever comes our way. I just need to trust you better, abandon everything in your hands, and be able to persevere in the little things. One step at a time, we will get there. One day at a time, I will come to see you fully, eventually. Filled with you, only then will I be able to live my commitment.

Believing,
Karen

To Love

from the book History of Love
(Unknown Photographer)

I rarely express you this way, but today I see no reason not to. Thank you for coming my way, thank you for choosing to stay. Thank you for taking me as your guest, thank you for making me feel at home. My intellect is not enough to understand you, and yet you take delight in my understanding of what's unknown, and in my embracing of what's uncertain. Seeing you, feeling you, knowing you --- they're just not enough to say I've experienced you, until I'm able to give you.


Karen

To Hope

Photo by *rooze

It's hard to imagine not to have you, yet it happens that we lose you. You're not as elusive as happiness is at times, however we fall into turning our backs on you. In our unthinking days, we choose not to notice you. When at times we choose to drown ourselves in bitter emotions, we ignore you entirely. And the more we are drowned in hopelessness, the more that we find it hard to see and recognize you. Until you come our way again, and we look at you as if you were a novel piece of goodness, like the rising of the sun after its long hiding from the moon.

I see you. Hiding behind the leaves, I could see you. Will you be staying for a long while?

Please stay.

Karen

To My Cone Receptors

photo by nairafee

it's a feast. :)

Karen

To Idleness

Photo by linh ngan

I know the previous semester was exhausting, but I don't think I'd want to be with you this sembreak. I may get myself a little tired from time to time, but I'm happy to be doing things other than studying. Really, you're just not the best recharge I need for the next semester. Realizing I only have 2 weeks to enjoy before coming back to class, there has to be a better plan for this than by mere spontaneity and idleness. Don't even try to set me up on a date with your twin, laziness. I don't like him. Productivity has better appeal than your twin.


Shooing you away,
Karen

To Friday

(photo from vi.sualize.us | no credits specified)

I know you've already been waiting for me since I had that little "sembreak" in the middle of the hustle and bustle of giving out relief goods. But you are the beginning of the real sembreak, and you probably have no idea how much I'm longing to be with you already. Well, you know priorities have to be set straight, and these exams are just too happy to see me and be with me this week. Don't get frustrated. Soon as I pass that last exam for this semester, I will greet you right away with, "It's Friday, I'm in love!" hahah. For the meantime, I will need to ignore you first, and be happy with these exams. yahoo, exams. :) Can't wait to shade circles. Even more, can't wait to say good morning, Friday! :)

Waiting to meet you,
Karen

To The Confused

Photo from Angelica Vis

Questions were answered adequately, and the only response I'm waiting for is not something I need to hear, but something I need to see. Soon as your thought processing is done, let's talk and see how both our concept maps could connect by one or two arrows. I'd be happy enough to realize we connect on at least one idea --- on a particular idea. We will simplify our combined concept maps and we'll be amazed by the beauty of our thoughts. We will keep it in a bottle as a reminder of those pressing minutes. But if all else fails, our bottled thoughts will be kept as a reminder of that hopeful turned happy memory.


Processing Thoughts,
Karen

To You Who's Leaving

Photo taken by: alric v. mondragon

but not really. You'll be away for an indefinite time. And I'd be most thankful to the uncertain possibilities of me visiting you and spending time with you where you are, or with you coming home as if you never left. We'll be seas apart, but it wouldn't shouldn't matter. You are where you're supposed to be. And on that day that I won't see you go, I wish you a happy leaving; if there's ever such a thing. As you said, just when you wanted to stay longer, it's when you have to leave. I'll miss you being around.

Your sister,
Karen

To What I Never Thought of Fearing

Photo taken by: alric v. mondragon

You were not mad, but you were entirely indifferent. Your apathy seemed unreasonable, and we were both left trembling in fear and uncertainty. But thank you. We were both scared and did not know what we'd do. But we managed and we pulled things through. Amidst your darkness, I've seen him in a different light. In a streak of light there was hope in his eyes, and it was more than enough to keep me holding on. I'm not scared of you anymore.

karen

To Misfits and Mischiefs

Photo by Theluckynine

You're giving trouble again and it's not being funny anymore. To what was supposed to be a happy situation, you cause disturbance and disappointment. You put seriousness to what's supposed to be taken lightly, and you laugh at the serious moments. You're awkward and off. You're not supposed to be here.

Please leave?
MisKaren

To tomorrow's anxieties

.

I don't need you right now. I already have my concerns today, and it's really not your turn yet. I'll just cross the bridge when I get there. Until then, I'll be here, laughing off today's anxieties. Tomorrow, you will get your own laugh. Don't worry.

Shrugging you off,
Karen

To what lasts forever

Or, that if bad things lasted forever, would we realize how much they should be abhorred?

Would we realize how much it's hurting us already?

Would we realize the extent of damage it's causing?

Would we hate it?

Would we eventually want true goodness, and real happiness?

To Changing Tides

Even people who are afraid of changes are still capable of desiring change. And for one who's not used to changes, transmogrifier is just the right device. Transmogrifier allows its user to change in shape, while given the choice of making it temporary or permanent.

When to use the transmogrifier:

1 When you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and everything else follows its utter wrongness.

2 When there's no way to describe the boredom of your routinary life

3 When you're stuck at an awkward situation and you're left with a sheepish smile

4 When you're in the state of utter happiness, and you just want to be in that state permanently.

5 When traffic enforcers are running after you, after you've jaywalked

6 When you just hate where you are; it's a device for a new disguise, as well as a pseudo time machine

7 When you simply want skittles over m&ms --- no, not really.

Transmogrifier is that choice to be happy.

will you play the piano for me?

I could almost hear you saying those lines to me. or maybe, i'm just hoping i hear those words from you. Dad, can i play the piano for you? Will you pause for a while from watching CNN news, and hear me play the piano?

will you let me tell you the story of the book i'm currently reading?

will you read again the articles or poems I write?

will you review with me my previous exam and see where i went wrong?

will you take me to dinner after you pick me up from school?

will you let me become your little girl again? unreasonable at times, but always wanting to make you happy.

To October

september left unnoticed

flooded and drained out.

october's coming in discretely

Ondoy in One Day

It doesn't feel right not to be able to say anything about it. It was devastating, it was shocking.

The previous night, I was with my mom and my brother when they visited me in Manila. News came from them that a typhoon was coming the next day, Ondoy as they told me. I had my own petty experience of it as I braved the knee-high flood in school just so I could go home. But this is not at all relevant to share.

What the rest of Luzon experienced was far beyond anyone expected of a typhoon, it was something no one could ever be prepared for. Until now, I can't imagine how a typhoon, in one day, flood Metro Manila that bad. Having heard of news that unlikely places were getting flooded, it was when I started thinking, this typhoon is not just any other typhoon that would bring no classes the following day and it would be a peaceful study day. No, this typhoon was that which flooded the whole Metro Manila, brought houses crashing against a bridge, family members lost, material goods drenched and buried. It was alarming.

Towards the end of the day, I can't help but cry in my prayers. I was asking Him to make it stop, because it was getting beyond my understanding already.

In one day, people lost their loved ones and their hard-earned goods. Until now, some people could not be contacted, and very certain that their families are dead worried about them. Imagine the trauma it has caused to people stranded on the top floors of a building with nothing to eat. Imagine the fear these people had, not knowing when the raging typhoon would end or be sober. All these damage in one day? I could not help but ask God. Why are you allowing this to happen? Please do something about it. Make it stop.

And though doubt was starting to arise in my thoughts, I knew behind and after all these, we're still in the good and loving hands of God. He was there, in the little miracles He poured over people. He allowed this to happen? Yes. He created this big opportunity for people to do good.

I could never fully fathom what happened on that day, but the succeeding days are just as crucial as that day. These days that we are not impeded by any rain or flooding, should be extra opportunity for us to help out. As they say, whatever little you're able to give is already of great help.

Up to this point, I can't get myself to study for my upcoming exam thinking how many people are still in the middle of their unresolved situations. I can't get myself to think how endonucleases and exonucleases could be of help to those needing simple water and food. How can DNA polymerase III be able to bring back people's missing loved ones? How can DNA replication be able to bring back their already crashed houses and goods.

10,000 hrs

In the book of Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers, he talked about popular experts and their field of expertise. He theorized that they became such because they may have spent 10,000 hrs of their lives doing that particular skill.

No, I haven't read that book, but a friend shared it with me. The following conversation transpired from the same topic:

j: Bill Gates, during his HS years, he spent 5 years, 8 hrs a day just tinkering with pc and programming.
k: what? if that's the case, then i may never be an expert of anything!
j: well, it doesn't have to be that mainstream. it could be, expert on listening. soft skills...
k: if that's just to make me feel better, it's not working. maybe i could work on becoming jack of all trades. or not.
j: what if! we reach 10,000 hrs of making someone happy!
k: :)
...
k: then i should start counting!
j: here's the basic stuff, if in 365 days, you make people happy for an hour, in 27 years, you would have accumulated 10,000 hrs. so in your 50's you'd be an expert.
k: can't i count my childhood years? what if my parents were constantly happy with me when i was a baby. Indirect proportional, as i grow old they were getting less and less happy with me. haha!
j: hmm. now if everyday you make an hour, 4 hours on weekends, you become an expert in 20 years!
k: which means i'll be a sure expert when I'm 40 years old already.

10,000 hrs of making someone happy --- creating a trail of happiness has never been this precise and geeky.

it's inevitable.

you happen.

Waking Up

I'm waking up from that long blogging hibernation. That long break wasn't exactly because I had a lot of things to do (academic and non-academic), but it was also because the raging winds in manila has not given me enough time to process things out and make good sense of what has happened recently. Has anything significant happened to me lately? Definitely.

"I heard!"

So you heard! There was a lot of asking around and people wondering whatever happened in between. Sometimes I get the patience to make a summary, sometimes, I just don't know how to put that short span of time, in a shorter talking time. I mean, not that it's really a story to tell, but then, it seems like for them it's a story to hear. It really isn't easy to share. I don't exactly have a concept map for it yet, but i know I'll eventually make better sense of what happened. If it were like two points making a straight line, it would have been easier to tell. the blogging world would have been the first to know about it. However like two points with a lot of loops and squiggly lines in between, that's how things somehow started and happened.

i guess I've been talking too much. and I've been hearing myself over and over again trying to narrate what just happened. And here's what I found out to be the easier way of telling the story: "the magician never reveals his magic," or like, "Poof! it became Koko Krunch!"

share the happiness in different ways, like through a smile, perhaps? no words, no story, but a smile that says, "i'm happy, let's just keep it that way for a little while".

------
My wall is filled with post-its of ideas, of concepts, of thoughts, of remembrances and reminders of what happened, of that awful movie, of that windy night, of those study nights, of those coffee days/nights, of those short walks to mrs.fields, of those short meetings at 7/11, of those talking and laughing and sharing pictures of the past, not so past and recent happening, of those podcasts and thrilling trailers and thrillers, of that trip to UP Diliman, of that QC day, of good mornings and good nights, of good dinners and good meriendas, of the food i can't finish, of the food you can't eat like shrimps and crabs and lobsters, and of course, of that future, of our hopes, of those dreams and wonderings, of what's more to come, of what's there to do, of the why's and how's we ask from time to time.

what's for tomorrow? post-it reads, I'll see you.

Of Things Beautiful

I'm here.

Because some things are heard and understood better from another voice
Because some things are better seen from another lens
Because some things are better experienced with another soul

Of all things beautiful
this is one simple beauty
I'm thankful to be in.

Profundus II

When things are undefined, we seek for definition. When things are uncertain, we seek for certainty. Man is made such that we are restless until we take hold of something real and tangible. However, before achieving certainty, we find ourselves led to where things are undefined, uncertain, and open to a lot of interpretations. We find comfort in the things defined, yet we reach a point when it becomes suffocating. And that's the point we hope for a less rigid definition; a point where we hope we could define things the way we want them to be.

Where is comfort? Is it in things that are certain and well defined? Or is it in the little spaces of undefined referential?

In the course of our search for where there is comfort, we, finally or hopefully, arrive at the truest abstract. It is in this abstract that we find, not comfort, but truth. What matters, after all, is not where there is comfort, but where there is freedom.

To be truly human is not to live a life of comfort, but to live a life of freedom --- unconstrained by ordinary difficulties, never imprisoned by selfish desires, never held back by petty concerns.

---------
photo from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/86578328@N00/173149244

Profundus

Emotions can sometimes lead you to think you're experiencing something profound, but in reality, you are experiencing what any normal person would.

There is still so much to understand in the subjective experience of the world, and I think the exploration has just begun.

Indeed, there are some things that don't need to be boxed, some things not wanting to be boxed, but some things that are not just naturally, but are essential to be boxed. in the greater scheme of things, boxes come in different sizes, nothing that's needed to be boxed has to be rigidly for everyone else in the same form.


-------
photo from: http://www.movingboxes.co.uk/images/Boxes/17-medium-box-w.jpg

They say...

the hardest pursuit

is to love and be true.

Thinking Aloud

I just think the medical career's not enough to make me happy. I want to do more than just deal with patients. Treating, healing and comforting patients, as one of our professors would say, are the reasons why we want to be a doctor. I mean, I know it's noble, and there's no good reason to put it down as a career, but... there's always a but when I try to rationalize things out.

I have other passions in life, and I'd like to fulfill them as well. I think the life lived by Karen cannot be confined inside the clinics, or hospitals, or medical missions, but that should be expanded as the wide rainbow expands its color to nothingness. That medical career is like my aorta, it's highly important to keep me alive. It's there in the forefront --- people will know me as a doctor, I will introduce myself as a doctor, and patients will thank me for being a doctor (hopefully a good one). But I also need my AV shunts to process things out without the need to go through the capillaries. My AV shunts may be unknowing to many, but it's just as important as my aorta. It's my restful shift from my arteries to veins when things are going haywire already. It's my life in between.

---------
photo from: http://www.twenty-twenty.ca/topic_systemedesante.phtml