exhibit #9: end

are we there yet?

ngumiti ka na lang...

ganto o, :)

...kahit malapit na tumulo luha mo, ngiti ka na lang. Hindi mo alam baka may nakatagong kamera sa sulok at kukuhanan ka ng litrato. mabuti na 'yung handa. khikhikhi. :P dramatic look ka pa na para kang naiyak dahil sa pagkapanalo mo sa Ms. Universe, o 'di kaya Mr. Sexy kung lalaki ka man. (parang ang pangit ng titulong Mr.Sexy, tapos umiyak sa pagkapanalo. hmm.)

ngiti ka lang, pero siguraduhing walang tinga. baka sa kakangiti mo, tawanan ka na lang ng mga tao. pero okay lang 'yun, basta masaya ka, ngiti lang. hindi mo naman alam na may tinga ka, eh. at kunwari hindi mo alam na ikaw tinatawanan.

ngiti lang nang ngiti hanggang sa magmukha ka ng dadalhin sa mental hospital. malay mo mas masaya nga talaga dun kaysa sa mundong ginagalawan mo. makakasama mo ang pinakatotoong taong makakasalamuha mo --- sa sobrang totoo, hindi na sila pinaniniwalaan ng lipunan.

ngiti ka lang. subukan mo 'yung labas ang ngipin, sa taas muna, tapos mamaya 'yung sa baba lang. subukan mo rin 'yung walang ngipin. tapos nun walang ngipin uli, pero nakabukas 'yung bibig --- 'yung parang lola? tapos ngiti ka ng nakalabas 'yung dila. subukan mo 'yung iba-ibang direksyon ng dila. ay hindi 'wag na lang pala. masagwa na 'yun. ngiti ka na lang na may isang ngipin lang na nakalabas. kung mahirap pa 'yun, subukan mo dalawang ngipin lang.

ngiti ka lang. sige na... please? haha desperado ba? ngiti ka na. para kahit man lang isang tao, may mauto ako sa walang kwentang entry na 'to. picturan mo sarili mo, tapos padala mo sa'kin. ipopost natin dito. sige na! sisikat ka niyan! baka kunin ka pa sa komersyal ng Happy toothpaste. o kaya sa Unique toothpaste. ikaw 'yung sa "before" ng before-after scenario. o 'wag ka na magalit, joke lang 'yun. bagay ka nga sa colgate komersyal eh. ikaw 'yung toothbrush. bwahaha. uuuyyy napipikon na. pinapangiti lang naman kasi kita eh.

pero hindi nga... ngiti ka lang, habang may rason pa para ngumiti.

yihee nakangiti na 'yan. :)

abangan ang next entry: "tawa ka na lang..." tss. oo na, hindi na lang. 'to naman, humihirit lang, eh.

"ngumiti na kahit na napipilitan..." - Join the Club (nobela)

hindi ko hawak ang oras, gayun din ang aking buhay. matapos man ang lahat ay hindi ko rin mararamdaman dahil ang buhay na hawak ko ay buhay na walang hanggan --- buhay na may kinabukasan kahit tumigil man ang sandali.

Exhibit #8: details

the littlest details that comprise the whole of its beauty

oh, you'd be amazed!

... by how life is indeed simple and precious.

When one speaks of a lifetime, it is inevitable to perceive a chronological measure of time where one could make a timeline of all the events in the past and all the events that may or may not happen in the future. We equate or estimate it to 6 decades or more of waking up, working, eating and sleeping. Within this lifetime, we have so many plans and dreams that we try to fit in our "busy" life. And these plans are always made for what's ahead of us. We document the past, and plan out for the future, but what about the present? What if our timeline is not a line after all, but a single dot where the whole of our life is already contained?

Now let's try to see this lifetime as a moment. If we were given a moment to live, and not the typical lifetime we perceive to last as long as 6 decades or more, would it still be plausible for all our dreams and plans to be accomplished? If we only have the now, where there is no later nor tomorrow, how do we literally "live the moment"? Our trip to Boracay might have to be cancelled because the life span we have may not even last the whole plane trip. Our dream to be a millionaire by the age of 25 may not be realized because there is no certainty of living the next day. How do we live a lifetime of a moment --- where the moment cannot be bounded by years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes nor seconds? We have no way of measuring time, because it doesn't matter anymore. For in this moment of life, it would be pointless to count and recount how much more time we have left to live. The only way of living it is to live it as it is. The only concern we will have in mind is how to live it as meaningful as possible. The question may not be the neverending question of life which is: "what is my purpose in life?" but "how can I have a worthwhile moment of life?"

A worthwhile moment of life. It is from this point that we may realize how the little things we take for granted in life can be so meaningful in a momentary life. Do you recall that moment when you made an old woman by the street happy? How about the time you put a smile on a kid's face by giving her a pat in the head? The little things we never planned in life may after all be the very things that will give essence to our life. What better way can we make a To-Do list than this:

__ Hug my mom and dad
__ send my friends a note of how much i care for them
__ smile to the person at the cashier
__ talk to the street kids
__ buy a person an ice cream
__ greet the security guard that opens the door for me
__ thank the stranger who gave way along the busy corridor
__ compliment a friend
__ appreciate my brothers
__ Thank God for the gift of life

With this kind of plans in life, would there still be a chance for hatred? It's living life for goodness' sake.

A while ago, I was walking by Katipunan Ave. to get to National Bookstore. Upon reaching KFC, there were a group of students (a college girl and 4 college boys) standing by the KFC parking. Two meters away from them was a street kid selling banana-q and whatever merienda he might have had that time. As I got near the vicinity, i heard the girl said to the boy in a very pleasing and sweet voice: "Umalis ka na... 'wag ka d'yan. Naiirita ako sa'yo eh." It wasn't a sarcasm when i said she said it with a sweet voice. It was too shocking and ironic for me not to hear it from where i was coming from. As i got pass through them, i heard the little boy said with so much truth in his voice: "Bakit, akala mo ba hindi ako naiirita sa'yo? Eh kung ikaw na lang kaya 'yung umalis?" And then I found myself giving a smirk after hearing the remarks of the boy. I'm not in a good position to judge what just took place at that moment. I have no idea how the kid may have irritated the girl before i reached their place. But whatever the kid may have done or said prior the incident, i still see the girl responsible for the situation, because as the uniform implied, she is an educated person. She should know better and may have reacted better in ways she doesn't tolerate disrespect and at the same time uphold her identity as an educated person.

oh the trivial things we could have avoided. The seconds wasted on that particular moment could have been spent in such a way we could make it a memory to smile upon. We make our own treasury of memories... What's done and what has happened is kept in there no matter how we might try to forget and erase it in our memory.

Life is just a moment... a moment that cannot be bounded by time but by the memories we create and by the simple things we do for goodness' sake.

Flowers for Algernon

Just recently, i finished a book i now declare as my favorite book. :) I'm talking about "Flowers for Algernon" by Daniel Keyes. For those planning to read the book, you may now stop reading this entry, because i'm about to spoil the plot. *evil laugh*

Charlie Gordon, the main character of the story is mentally retarded but is determined to learn and be intelligent as much as he can. He thought being intelligent would gain him friends and would make him acceptable to the society, but more importantly to his family that has left him long ago. He volunteered himself to be part of an experiment conducted by several doctors and psychologists who so far successfully conducted the experiment on a mouse named Algernon. The experiment's aim is to increase the intelligence of Charlie just as it so far did on Algernon. The experiment was successful at first, but following the same pattern that happened on Algernon, it came to a point where their intelligence deteriorated with the same rate as it increased. Algernon died which brought to the scenario when Charlie gave flowers for Algernon almost everyday; thus the reason for its title.

One concept really struck me as i read the story. It was the concept of the capacity to feel when one is mentally challenged. Because of Charlie's poor comprehension skills, he could not understand nor interpret the laughter of people. The world for him was as if in black & white, and one-dimensional. When he sees people laugh, he never perceived of it as people mocking him, but people laughing with him. After the experiment, as his knowledge widened day by day, he slowly understood that he was being mocked before. It was only then did he feel empty and sad. It was the perfect example for "ignorance is bliss" because the less he knew about their mocking actions, the less he knew how he should react and feel about them.

His intelligence developed and progressed slowly, and was even way beyond the intelligence of most people. It was then when he realized that the people he thought as genius weren't so genius after all. He was intellectually matured, but he was emotionally immature because the feelings such as anger, sadness and frustration were all new to him. He achieved more than what he hoped for with his highly exceptional intelligence, but he gained no friends just as he thought he would. He even lost the friends he used to have as he became too arrogant and consumed in himself.

The story also had romantic aspects, but unfortunately, or fortunately for some, this is not a topic i'm interested in sharing. hehe.

The story was in a form of progress reports (or journal) that was asked of Charlie for the experiment. From these progress reports, you could see in his writing style how he changed from a person with low I.Q. to someone with superior I.Q. to a person who slowly changed back to who he was. The style of writing gives the reader a sense of ownership to the character, as if the reader himself is experiencing what he's able to read. I commend the book for its well thought and well written storyline.

And to spoil it even more, here is Charlie's last progress report:

"nov 21 --- I did a dumb thing today I forgot I wasnt in Miss Kinnians class at the adult center any more like I used to be. I went in and sat down in my old seat in the back of the room and she lookd at me funny and she said Charlie where have you been. So I said hello Miss Kinnian Im redy for my lessen today only I lossed the book we was using.
She started to cry and run out of the room and everbody looked at me and I saw alot of them wasnt the same pepul who use to be in my class.
Then all of a suddin i remembered some things about the operashun and me getting smart and I said holy smoke I reely pulled a Charlie Gordon that time. I went away before she cam back to the room.
That's why I'm going away from here for good to the Warren Home school. I dont want to do nothing like that agen. I dont want Miss Kinnian to feel sorry for me. I know evrybody feels sorry for me at the bakery and i dont want that eather so Im going someplace where they are a lot of other pepul like me and nobody cares that Charlie Gordon was once a genus and now he cant even reed a book or rite good.
Im taking a cuple of books along and even if I cant reed them Ill practise hard and mabye Ill even get a littel bit smarter then I was before the operashun without an operashun. I got a new rabits foot and a luky penny and even a littel bit of that majic powder left and mabye they will help me.
If you ever reed this Miss Kinnian dont be sorry for me. Im glad I got a second chanse in life like you said to be smart because I lerned alot of things that I never even new were in this werld and Im grateful I saw it all even for a littel bit. And Im glad I found out all about my family and me. It was like I never had a family til I remembird about them and saw them and now I know I had a family and I was a person just like evryone.
... (haba pala nito. iklian na)
Goodby Miss Kinnian and dr Strauss and evrybody...

P.S. please tel prof Nemur not to be such a grouch when pepul laff at him and he woud have more frends. Its easy to have frends if you let pepul laff at you. Im going to have lots of frends where I go.

P.S. please if you get a chanse put some flowrs on Algernons grave in the bak yard."

haha. this book is happiness *heart-shaped hand*

Exhibit #7: Chasing the sun

It will have to set sooner or later...

alone.

fluttering leaf

i was just reaching for a beautiful leaf on the ground, and the moment i lifted my head, you were no longer around. i'm used to being alone, but not like this. You were supposed to be there. i just know. You were there with me. But i was left in the middle of the forgotten pavement with no idea how to move about from the exact place where i reached for the leaf. Was it just a fictional reality i made in my mind that you were there? Or is this a form of selective seeing that no one ever had? Then i thought i saw you. but it was just an image I'd like to believe is your image.

i couldn't make a clear picture of what just happened, and of the seconds to come. Time doesn't matter anymore for the moment i "lost" you, it's as if every hour, every minute, and every second of your memory with me just dissolved. It's a state of forgottenness --- a state where i'm the object of oblivion. A state that brings me to another dimension --- an entirely different dimension from you, the forgetist. I can only make as much blurred images of you as i can, but in your dimension, i no longer exist. i was frozen in your past, where you have no chance of seeing, nor remembering me in whatever way i wish to be.

was it the fluttering leaf that brought me to this state of forgottenness? or was it the fluttering leaf that woke me up from the fictional reality i was beginning to believe?