Hah!

what was i thinking? asking for an extended Christmas break as gift... this lot of work in such a limited time is the gift. There is so much to be thankful for, and one of them is this whole lot of work. Because of this, there are more opportunities to grow in virtue, to make the day worthy as my gift to Him --- to give Him the gift, and not to ask for the gift. And even in the intention of giving Him this day, His generosity can never be outdone.

---

Every day is a day of uncertainty --- not knowing if things will go well as i hoped for, not knowing if people will do well as i wished they will, not knowing if i'll be prepared for whatever changes, criticisms, uncalled for events that might happen. But amidst this uncertainty, there is only that trust which i can hold on to, and that hope so i may carry on, because there will never be really that certainty until the moment comes, and until it becomes part of the past.

To get through the day will be like a blind man walking - to walk with no certainty, but with faith. to know nothing of what's ahead, and just walk one step at a time. No need to hurry, because to run ahead of time will lose you the minutes of your life. But there's no room for idle work either, because like a train, time will leave you. It will go on as it pleases, but always in a constant motion.

One has to learn to dance with time, dance in the rhythm of its motion, so you will never be out of time. One's rhythm of time may be different from another's rhythm - and so it's possible that the two may never find the time to be together, but if the rhythm permits, there can be that harmony like the one of a piano piece. It can be a sonata in major C, that of the joyous moments one has with another, but it may also be that intermezzo in minor A, that of the sad times one encounters. Each note has to be played to truly complete the piece. And if the notes will have to require you to run so fast, don't worry, there are rests; make good use of them. You can always run ahead of time, but remember there will always be that final barline, when one has to stop, and the music has ended.

oh dear...

Merry Christmas pa diba? hmm. Maligayang Pasko pa ba, o maligayang pasok na? teka hindi pa. may isang linggo pa. natataranta ako. pwede pa-extend ng Christmas break? please? oo na, hindi pwede. humingang malalim at harapin ang realidad. Pasukan na uli.

at dahil ang dami kong iniisip at kelangang gawin, gagawin ko munang planner ang entry na 'to. ang gulo-gulo na talaga ng utak ko. Lord, help...

dec.26 - tita's house
- e-mail speaker for cwts
- watch dvd movies!

dec.27 - Christmas Party for the Kids
- Finalize hand-out for Psych115
-start on creative layout
dec.28 - interview
- hand-out for 115
dec.29 - finish hand-out for 115
dec.30 - grocery
dec.31 - Cook!
jan.1 - happy new year!
jan.2 - last day ng break!
- and i'm doing my cwts paper! :|
jan.3 - submission of cwts paper
jan.4 - Bio day again.
jan.5 - Report for 115
- leave for tagaytay trip
jan.6 - facilitate in the pisay retreat

wow. I want an extended Christmas Break as gift for Christmas please?

thank you

You were there all along.
thanks.

this isn't enough... but nothing will ever be enough.
i can never be enough, if not through you.

it was painful for me to be witnessing these things before my very eyes.
but i couldn't do much.
even as i try to avoid seeing what's going on
and as much as i preoccupy my mind with something else
the very lines i hate to hear are the only words that get through me.
this isn't how things really are, is it?
it was surreal.
like it was created by an impressionist painter.
that brief moment captured and preserved in a canvas
that sketchy style with no abstraction nor distortion
i waited for the red curtains to close
but everything was too real. too real.
much as i like to be numbed
it was piercing right through me.
i wanted to get mad
but couldn't.
there was pain
but i couldn't do anything but accept it.
every bit of it.
i was trying to direct my eyes on you
just so i feel i'm safe
just so i know everything will turn out okay
and it was your __ look (and there's not even a word to perfectly describe your look)
that embraced my anger with much love
the pain was still there
but it was there because i love
it was there because you placed that seed of love in me
it was there because i feel, i'm real, i live.
you let me see the beauty of my pain
so i can embrace it with love
you never let go of my hand
saying i can abandon to you everything
you lifted my chin and asked me to look only at you
not to look elsewhere
because there's pain anywhere i look
but that love and serenity i see only in your gaze.
thank you.

and it is absolutely true
that your love and generosity can never be outdone.
even beyond the infinite reality of this world.
thank you. i am happy.

"you know all things and you know that I love you"

yesterday

yesterday made me think twice about happiness. It's always been a cliche how people define happiness in the simplest of things. simple things such as eating your favorite ice cream flavor, dancing in the rain, getting a long sweet sleep after a tiring week, watching the sunset, lying on the field with your friends while you do cloud-watching, and a bunch of other "sweet nothings". But they're merely trivialities. They're no doubt the simple things you get in life, but life is not just a bunch of sweet nothings. Life is mostly composed of the little and ordinary things in life.

How do we make the most out of our ordinary day? we can't just fill the day with mostly sweet nothings. doing nothing but lie around and watch the clouds.. and wait for the bugs to take a bite from you. or doing nothing but eat ice cream all day, unless you really want to get a big fat ass. or doing nothing but sleep all day while your friends and family are having fun outside under the sun. Life is just too ordinary for us.

Yesterday was yet another happy day for me. It was my ordinary saturday. I woke up early for the second day of the talk series i'm attending (Humanly Speaking), got there on time and spent about 3 hours of my morning there. Just a talk that really got me listening the whole time. after the talk i went to katipunan with a friend. we were supposed to eat at KFC but there were too many people so we decided to eat elsewhere. we had to walk the long and hot avenue of katipunan just to get to 'wok this way'. so we "woked" because we were both cutting on our expenses.. we could not afford a trike fare. upon arriving the place, i headed to the ladies/gents room because i really really need to go. opened the door and a guy was inside. whoops. i swear the door was opened! okay so the lock was not working fine, but i didn't intend to see someone inside, much less to see a guy! i guess that was the sole thing that was out of my ordinary routine. nonetheless, i had to get on with the day. went on with my storytelling with the kids. (it would have been the fun fun fun lesson i imagined it would be if clauds were with us.) then attended the recollection for the month of december. then ended the day by hearing His word during the mass.

after such an ordinary day, it was every moment with Him that made all the difference. From the very minute i woke up and saw the sun rising, until the day ended with the Eucharistic celebration, everything was directed to Him --- and this made the ordinary, nothing but the ordinary things we look over. There is so much more with these ordinary things we consider as merely tasks, "things to do", or even burden. They'd never need to be that burdensome if done with a little love. how? like "Lord, this long walk, i offer up for my friend who needs help in her love life" or "Lord i offer up the shame from seeing the guy inside the comfort room for the safety of this particular friend on a trip" or simply "Lord, this one hour of study is for my special someone who hasn't found me yet" haha o diba. be creative. be loving. be prayerful :)

"An hour of study, is an hour of prayer" -- St. Josemaria Escriva.