To Life

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Are you still here out of love? Or are you, as well, steered down by love of comfort and greed? People have been seeking you out for their own good. They only think of the material and tangible consequences of their actions, without even considering its moral implications. It's scary, I tell you. We are slowly redefining both life and killing to their opposing poles. The importance of life is no longer inclined to the thought of giving life, but to get life we want for ourselves. The gravity of killing is desensitized by our so-called "medical concerns" and "women's rights", so much so, abortifacient pills are more of protective pills than toxic substances to life.

Man's greed for pleasure is feeding on a hedonistic society. We want pleasure without responsibility. We have taken out this pleasure out of its good context and time frame, because we want it for ourselves and we want it now. You are lived as if you're not time-bound anymore. People want everything now, at this instant. Have we already lost the concept of waiting?

Life used to thrive on values and virtues, but now, people are trying to prove we could have you without these virtues and values, such that a campaign arose: "There probably is no God, so stop worrying and enjoy life."

But not to worry, there are still a number of us ready to fight for you. What you truly are must be revealed, what beauty you possess must be simply lived.

To Mervyn

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You are a person of simplicity, and it's always a delight to talk with you. You're not simpleminded but you manifest the simplicity of a child. You are like a lamppost to me, because you remind me that there is still living goodness in this world, and that not all people have lost their sense of right and wrong. You exemplify a true Christian spirit, where every simple work you do is done with a lot of love for Him.

To you, who cheerfully lives a Christian life, this post is for you.

Karen

To Maguindanao

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No human expression is enough to be able to console you in your situation. There is a desolate panorama continuing to unfold before us. And as of yet, there is no certainty as to when this will end. We seek for hope, but somehow, this is overpowered by the situation's uncertainty and dire violence.

The number of massacred people, your people, is growing by the day. They buried them beneath you. They were tortured and buried, with fear and utmost sadness as the last expression in their faces. All these for some political rubbish that I still try to understand. There may be more of those massacred that are yet to be unearthed, but so is truth hidden and buried beneath mountain of lies.

Those of us who watch and wait thousands of miles away from the eye of the storm could sense the strong vibration of your fear. But know this, in times like this, when there seems to be no way to give direct help, the most heroic deed, maybe, is for us to be hopeful and believe that this too shall pass, as any other dark storms do. We could, as well, succumb to fear, but if we could be strong for you, then we will --- with a lot of hope through prayers.

Karen

P.S. Please send my condolences to the families of the victims.

To Brevs

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To your sweet notes left secretly in my bag, thank you. Here's a can of crayons for you, maybe it has indigo in it to fill up your incomplete rainbow for me. Thanks for never failing to brighten up my day. :)

Karen

P.S. I saw a rainbow on my way home on the same day you gave that note to me. Did you see that, too?

To Sunday

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I'm home today. You used to mean lazy day for the family. Back when dad was alive, I would wake up 10 in the morning and my dad would be cleaning his car already. The garage is all wet from the car wash and from watering his plants. I would smell the aroma of coffee, and the newspaper looks like it was already read 5 times cover to cover.

You're a special day because no one's in a hurry. My workaholic dad is home and not in a hurry to go to the hospital. Though it's your day, he'd still do his rounds and see if his patients are doing okay. Parking lot of the hospital is not even half-full as every doctor I know are with their family having family day. While we, the family, are waiting for my dad to finish his rounds or sometimes, chemotherapy. After which, we'd hear mass then to the mall, to watch a movie, do some grocery-shopping, or to just hang-out. And before we head home, we'd pass by the hospital again because my dad would say he forgot to do something or that one of his patients needs his attending. This was our idea of a family day: my dad's still working, but the family hops along his trip, and everyone else's errands are just secondary to his. Of course we were always grumpy about this, but in the end we were always happy to convince him to go to the mall with us.

Nowadays, you've become a little different for us. It's no longer a lazy day for us. Everyone is up by 8am, having breakfast, reading up for school, tidying the house, and getting ready for noon mass. I still smell the aroma of coffee, my mom never fails to brew for the both of us in the morning (she used to brew for herself and my dad). There's still newspaper, well, only if my brother's not lazy enough to buy one. There's not much routine anymore, every Sunday's pretty much different from another Sunday. By late afternoon or early evening, I'm already headed to Manila for school the next day.

The next day, I wake up, it's school again. My mom's not around, I don't hear the noise of the television anymore, but just the quiet morning slowly becoming noisy as the day sets in with the rest of the class. It's Monday. Nothing to hate about Monday, but she's just really different from you.

Monday's lovely, but sometimes I wish I could have more than 24 hours in your day. Can I have 7 Sundays a week? Wouldn't that be perfect? :)

Karen

To Your Effort

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In your array of photos do you see a particular progress? Is it taking you anywhere, or are you just floating by life and allowing its course to take you wherever? If so, please say so and don't include me in your stop-stare-and-float game. I have plans and it's not helping me keep up with my schedule if I just go by the blowing of the wind, or the current of the river. This is taking me nowhere, I should go ahead --- against the current, if I must.

Karen

To Consciousness

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Philosophers and scientists have been talking about you and are rather perturbed still with a lot of questions even up to present. Questioning you is just like questioning existence, yet there are a whole lot of fine elements concerning you that merely knowing existence can't just address.

The firing of ions and chemicals such as calcium, sodium, potassium and chloride, are as far and as minute as we could go to explain the decisions we make and the behavior we manifest. Yet, somehow, the idea of chemicals controlling the actions we make seems not to be enough for us to understand you and our being. How can mere chemicals enable our cognitive to have thoughts as basic as 'what do I want to eat right now?' to thoughts as profound as 'why are we even trying to explain consciousness and existence?' Are you simply controlled by these chemicals?

Many scientists have tried to locate in the brain where cognitive processes occur and where decisions are made. Recent discoveries have shown where intentions to act can be stimulated in the brain. Participants reported an urge to move a particular part of their bodies without necessarily enacting them.

...the brain has specific cortical circuits that, when triggered, are associated with sensations that arise in the course of wanting to initiate and then carry out a voluntary action. (Koch, 2009)

I think that this is a very valuable discovery and is a big leap to answering so much of our questions. However, knowing the mechanism of the brain is somehow still not enough to bring us peace  of mind as to why we intend to do such things. I believe that our free will cannot be limited by mere chemicals and stimulation of the brain. Science can answer adequately the how of certain concepts, but it will always be short of response to our why questions.

There's a fishy idea with the thought of disregarding your metaphysical explanation. Some scientists find it uncomfortable to accept the idea of the soul in explaining you and free will. However, I believe that scientific explanations are there to support the metaphysical explanations. They are never and should not be opposing ideas, for they explain concepts at different levels, and are therefore expected to complement each other.

I don't have answers to some of their questions either, but I'm rather happy with both the scientific and metaphysical explanations there are at present.

Just so you know, I thought of you today.

Karen

To Lee-Ann

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This post is for you, because you deserve it. You radiate with happiness and optimism, and these are only two of the many things why it's always a pleasure to be around you. You have an understanding that's more profound than anyone I know, and you make people happy in your little and simple ways. Lee-ann, you have no idea how thankful I am to God each day for giving me a friend like you. You embody a concrete proof of God's love for me. :) Thank you for being that gift to me.

If there's someone who knows how to create a trail of happiness, that would be you.

Take care always, friend :)

Karen

To You Who Feels Discouraged

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It's just like riding a carousel. You go up and down, and you feel frustrated at times with your shifting mood: sometimes optimistic, sometimes discouraged. Others see you and find nothing wrong, because truth is, you're still on the same plane. You have not lost your track, and you're not losing it as long as you keep up with the ride.

Just enjoy the ride, and get to know those beside you. :)

Karen

To No One in Particular

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They say, when someone gives you a thousand paper cranes, you get to have one wish and it will be granted. These past days feel like I've been given a thousand paper cranes, and feel like having one wish granted. I think this goes to say, there are just so many things to be thankful for.

I'm happy because of certain known things, and sometimes for no particular reason. At any circumstance, it becomes more meaningful when it also makes other people happy.

Karen

To Happy Breakfast

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You know I look forward to you every morning. But i just want you to know, you were lovelier this morning. :)

Karen

To Dreams

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I've been in doubt since the first time I thought of you. Taking little steps to get to you, I thought, maybe in time I'd come to a clear realization of why I should pursue you. And in the little steps I took, I'm only getting closer and closer to see you realized, while I was still fleety-floaty on what I want to do with you. But these past weeks, I've been getting faint affirmations of why you are for me. I'm not going to wait for bigger and clear signs anymore, I think it has already been shown to me. I might have missed the sign along the way, but it doesn't matter anymore. 

My brother has told me once, doubt is a good thing because it gets us to certainty. Well, is it not true that when we get near to what we really want -- something which we desire from the depths of our heart -- we become uncertain for fear of losing it. This uncertainty expands to fear of losing other aspects of life as we pursue you, fear of sacrificing so much for you, and fear of realizing we've made a mistake. But then, we know so well your value, and you could never be worth less than any of the little things we could sacrifice for you.

It's no longer uncertainty in the struggle and the difficulty you entail. At one point, we come to realize, we've been uncertain and not wanting to let go of you because we just know we can't leave you. That it's certainly right to be here, where the road leads to you. 

Once and for all, I will face you with a lot of courage and faith. I will get to you head-on, and with arms outstretched to embrace you fully and with a lot of love.

I will be a doctor.


Karen

To Friday the 13th

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Today I was not very particular of your presence. Not that you really mattered, but that things went by like a leaf falling from a tree: ordinarily unnoticed. Now, as I kiss you goodbye, I become aware of the good things that happened to me today. I can't really say you have anything  to do with it, but just the same, it happened on your day.

Productive day today. I once again saw our cadaver, one which I half-intentionally forgotten about over the sembreak. It looked like it also got carried away during the break as it brought several species to life. Imagine that. What could be more fitting for this day than to witness the presence of life from death. Our cadaver had mushrooms and molds and larva and what-not's. Even so, we were able to put a check on what needed to be dissected today.

And then I had ice cream with my favorite bully-ee and my co-bully. Happy ice cream, happy how-are-you, happy bullying, happy bullied, happy listening to bullying. This is one good detox moment. :) We had a good laugh trying to scare bully-ee about her way home.

Why do I even bother telling these to you? Maybe just to drive the point that you worry about people thinking and feeling you're bad luck, truth is, you're just like any other ordinary day -- with happy times and bully sessions.

Best of Luck!

Karen

To Optimism

I could already feel you. The butterflies? Not anymore.

I feel it in my fingers

I feel it in my toes.

Well love is all around me

And so the feeling grows.


There's been so much of you these days. I love how almost everyone I met today feel you in almost the same way I do. But this is not yet the real test of how well we're acquainted with you. The real test comes when it gets tough and trying. 

I have somehow learned how to play your game last semester. You show yourself when everyone's up and smiling, happy and laughing; and this is normally at the beginning of something important. Then you start to disguise yourself when things are starting to gear toward the rough roads, until I could only see your silhouette that I could barely recognize you. I will not lose sight of you this time.


Positively yours,
Karen

To School

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I am finally ending my semestral break, and will be seeing more of you again. Nine hours a day, 5 days a week, what more could I ask for. There's just so much time to share different moments with you; be it happy, sad or failing moments, all-laughter and teary days, or even insignificant-turned-memorable days.

I can't really say I missed you, but I can more or less say I'm ready to see you. You're a poofer in a lot of ways, you know, and in that aspect, I actually see myself in you. And because of that, I can somehow predict you already. But I'm hoping you'll be kinder this semester and give more room for adjustment. If not, haha well, I wont take it against you. You've always been like that. And I love you just the same.

Best of Luck!

Karen

To Me

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Really now? Haha fine, I will not be pessimistic about it. Yes, let's not procrastinate this semester.

Karen

To The Serious

Sometimes we restrict ourselves to the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg? Has anyone thought of asking, how did the egg feel after seeing its roasted mother. After which, the egg was left with one or two of these possibilities: beaten, scrambled and fried. poor fate.

harhar.

Karen

To Hello

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Hello. I like you, because you're not proud. You're a friend to most strangers, and you don't take a lot of airtime. You're simple and sweet, but often taken for granted. With your simplicity, you open up a whole lot of possibilities between two people, but it has, as well, led other people to downplay your importance. Imagine how much a simple 'hello' from a busy person brightens up the day of the person who has been waiting for it.

You have a short but meaningful period of existence. In some occasions, you're surprising, but often you're in your casual and ordinary tone. I like you in whatever circumstance. You're strong enough to break the silence, but always giving way for other thoughts to flourish. In the beginning, you're always there. In the end, well, I could choose to still have you. Hello.

Karen

P.S. You're never the same with "goodbye"; except maybe in Hawaii.

To The Jury

(Photo from vi.sualize.us)

I have fallen prey to my hated cliche. I still laugh at it, though (we both do).
I plead guilty.

Karen

To My Royal Highness

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I received your sweet note today.

Thank you. :)

Your daughter,

Karen

To What's Real

Photo by mechtaniya

And she said, "I trust you in your decisions". After which, everything else seemed heavier than they were. How can she trust my decisions that made the wrong turn? Or maybe she meant, "I hope things turn out alright". Maybe it's not right to hold on to merely what's real. Maybe this is just not the time for it. Maybe this is but an overview. Not in this time frame, not in the present verse.

And you start making people think, "Is this necessary?" To one who's ready, it's always a clear "yes". but to one who's not ready, "I don't know". And not knowing is just not enough. It's either this, or that. There's always a choice that we have to leave. And a choice we have to live.

Misaligned choices will have to be adjusted constantly, and it could be tiring. You say you stay not for happiness, but that because you chose to. It sounds selfless and noble, but not necessarily. You could simply be tiring yourself out without necessity.

Every laughter is real, but so is pain. People long for you in hopes of finding happiness. And maybe the lack of it is just a sign of a choice misplaced.