Untold Conversations

If my dad were still here and working, I would have told him these things:

1

Dad, what does it mean if it's acute viral infection/disease?

What is the difference between Hepa A and Hepa B?

2

A professor doctor asked me about you, I think he's one batch lower than you. Asked me if you're still working in Lung Center of the Philippines.

I said yes. Haha kidding.

3

Dad, do you know Dr. Jaime Galvez-Tan? He's one batch higher than you, and I think I remember you mentioning his name.

4

You know what, I have a classmate who had her undergrad studies in Harvard University

5

Dad, let's have yogurt ice cream. And I'll tell you all about these things. :)

of testing the water and farming

Before classes started, it was like dipping and testing the water as I go to manila from time to time to do errands and requirements. Now, after a week of soaking myself in med school, I could not find the right words to express what this week means to me. I guess adjustment feels exactly like this. I feel like I'm still testing the water, but I no longer have my qualms or worries. I am getting more and more comfortable with my seat in med school as I say hi and hello to some of my classmates. The water is warm enough to feel the comfort of being with my classmates and being part of class 2014.

Making friends is one of the best ways to make my day.

on a different note...

I have never really involved myself in games and online games. I like to play computer games, but they never really get me hooked. Facebook has given a new dimension to my life. I'm enjoying this application in facebook called Barn Buddy. It's pretty simple, you plant seeds, water them, debug and fertilize so that they grow faster. You earn points by planting and by selling them you earn money. The goal is to go up the level because each level corresponds to a particular fruit or vegetable that you'll be allowed to plant. Now, some of your friends who are playing the same application may not only visit your farm, but they may water it, debug your plant, or on the bad side, they may put the bugs, weeds and even steal some of your harvest. It may seem like a pretty boring game because the plants take at least 3 hours to grow, and it's really not easy to wait for 3 hours just to harvest them right away, but the thing is, it's starting to be brought out of my cyber reality into the reality I wake up to every morning. These are three instances to describe it:

1
one morning at home:
k: kuya!!! why did you steal from my farm?!
h: hahaha
k: you're not supposed to steal! I've never stolen any harvest from anyone, much more from you!
h: it's just a game. play the game.

2
another morning at home:
k: good morning, kuya! check out your farm!
h: why, you stole from my farm?
k: no. i put bugs and weeds on your plants. hahahah.

3
in school
classmate: karen, your harvest is ready!

this barn buddy is becoming a serious conversation between me, my brother and my friends.

it just occurred to me, I wouldn't be surprised if kids these days one day tell their parents: "Mom, Dad, I want to be a farmer."

good vibes

all boxes were ticked today.

and today deserves an award of
Good Vibes

I got lost around Megamall, Ruby Drive, Magenta Road, Garnet Road
When I should be in Shangri-la, then to Pearl Drive, then to San Antonio Village
I was looking for house number 12
why, for some reason, house number 12 is either the one under construction
or the tallest building on that street which had its entrance not on that street
oh, but i should have been looking for house number 21.
but all is well,
i found my way after 5 times of going back and forth in one small street
asking direction from 5 different people.
I didn't have smaller bills in my wallet
So I got myself a cell card to get change
only to find out it's a free ride because of the holiday.
one passing empty train that did not stop for us; it was a skipping train.
i knew it was too good to be true
to have an empty train stop at Shaw MRT Station
but the next one got us in, and we were not too cramped up inside.
haha, yay.
good vibes.
coffee vibes, too.
dead's body.
what?
body's dead.
i'm sleepy but my fingers are still wide awake to type in.
eyes are droopy, though.
good morning :)
coffee, anyone?

Little Friends

the rain has been keeping my little friends from playing.
mr. sunshine, won't you show your face again?

-----
flickr photos (not mine)

Pixie Dust

It's either I fly with my dreams, or I let my dreams fly without me.

You've Got Mail

I woke up this morning, and saw that You've Got Mail was on TV.

me: Ooh, I like that movie!
brother: Yeah, me, too. The conflict's interesting; to fall for someone you don't actually like at first.
me: ahh. I like it because they both own a bookstore. :)

It sounded shallow, but wouldn't it be wonderful to own a bookstore? I think that's just the sweetest thing you could own on earth. I could practically live in a bookstore.

In one of their online correspondence:
After Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) was stood up in their supposedly rendezvous.
The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.

When Kathleen Kelly and her boyfriend were about to break up (happily):
Kathleen: You don't love me.
Frank (another guy who's not Tom Hanks): shakes his head no
Kathleen: Me, either.
Frank: You don't love me?
*laughs*
Frank: But we're so right for each other!
Kathleen: I know, I know!

Kathleen: Is there someone else? oh, wait. is that the news anchor lady?
Frank: well, yeah, yeah. I like her, but... what about you? is there someone else?
Kathleen: No, no. but there's a dream of someone else.

Haha. Wouldn't it be lovely if all break-ups were like this? It does seem like a happy break-up, where both realizes they're just not meant for each other. It's like a label on their foreheads that lights up when they hold each other's hand, and it says "mismatched".

of blogs and online thoughts

happycoffee.tumblr

Am I moving out? I don't know. Let's see where this will lead me to.

when the wind blows

God really knows when i needed an exercise. Before I got home, I had a good physical, emotional and mental exercise.

After my day's activities, I decided to withdraw money for my condo rental fee. I was already praying hard to get a good taxi right after since I don't want to be holding a big sum of money. It was a good waiting since I was only rejected once by a taxi, and was able to ride the Kapuso taxi. On the way home, I was chatting with the driver about politics and at the same time listening to Mike Enriquez on the radio. He seemed like a nice driver, occasionaly letting out his violent side of wanting all the corrupt leaders be killed, murdered or ambushed. I could not react to these as I also feared for my own life. But in general, my impression of him was that he's a concerned citizen who can't express more than the violent thoughts he could think of. In short, still a nice person.

When we were nearing home, as he would continue on about who he wants to get killed, I would make sounds of acknowledgment, "uhuh, hmm.", as I prepare my payment to him. I got off the taxi, tried to check my bag BUT didn't feel my wallet inside. I realized I was not able to put the wallet inside my bag. The taxi seemed to be running 20-30kph so I thought I could run after it. agh. but it was just accelerating, and I couldn't keep up with it because my shoes are just getting in the way. I took off my shoes, ran after the taxi, too late to realize that I should have gone the shorter way to meet him on his way back. I called the guardhouse and requested the guard to stop the taxi from going out. I reached the gate of the subdivision, and the taxi driver was happilly buying bread from a store. I looked inside the taxi, but my wallet was not there. I tried to search my bag again, but it really wasn't there. At this point, I realized it must have fell on the street when I got off the taxi. So I headed back to my house, hoping that no one saw my wallet on the street. And well, by this time, God must be laughing really hard already, because I was slipping off my shoes with my awkward brisk walking. I saw my wallet right in front of the house.

More than my legs getting warmed up, my heart really ran fast almost to the point of getting a heart attack. Harhar, Lord. Not funny. I might have lost a few calories there, but not because of the physical workout, but more of how my heart ran ridiculously fast. It was pumping blood more than I thought it could.

As soon as I got myself composed and settled, I tried to tell my brother, and all I got was a good spanking in the butt. he did it jokingly of course.

when the wind blows, and it rains, and you have to run after your wallet that hard, it wouldn't matter if you're barefooted running on a wet street.

when you thought things were just going as planned, and the wind blows to an unexpected direction, you really have to have your wits, nerves and your good laugh ready.

when the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

Well, Lord, if it's making you really laugh the whole time, then I might as well laugh with you right now. Thank you, you really got me this time. :)

still making way

today i learned that to be happy is to make a sad moment a brief passing moment. do not grab the moment, but just let it pass, and see that behind it is another happy cause. when you finally recognize it, smile and just be happy. let it settle for as long as you want, until another unhappy thought comes your way. the trick is, to recover fast from an unhappy thought.

sometimes, all it needs is a good laugh or an effort smile to pull your heart to truly be happy.

good morning! :)

make way

happy thoughts are making their way

Social Scripts

When I was in grade three, I remember having the lesson on how to introduce yourself, how to introduce a friend to someone older or to someone in authority, how to introduce a woman to a man, as well as how to introduce your friends to each other. These are social scripts taught to us when we were younger. I wish there was also a script taught to us concerning death.

Sorry Ma'am, my dad passed away a year ago. i'm saying this to you as a matter of fact simply because you need to know.

I wish there were an easier way to say such personal things in a semi-public conversation, to a non-personal friend, who's not even an acquaintance, but who needs to know the fact that my dad died. I wish they also knew better of how to respond to such statements, without making me repeat again and again who died and when he died in a semi-loud voice because she couldn't hear. I wish they knew how to respond to such without the need to see or feel the hurt in the person, but with an objective concern for the person and an objective detachment from the statement given. I'm not asking for special treatment, but just the basic respect and acknowledgment that death is never an easy circumstance to cope with. I wish it was easier for me to say it with much objectivity for the sake of academic transactions - void of emotions, but just the simple and plain truth.

Hi Dad. I tried to be strong throughout the year since your death. But today was especially difficult to hold in the thought that I wish you were still here. I never tried to forget the fact that you passed away, but hoped to go through each day with your pseudo presence. I'm half dreading the start of school and being in PGH, because I fear that by the time it has started already, I'll be wishing even further that you're still here.

I love you, Dad. So much so that it should be a comforting thought to remember that you're so much happier than ever. I'm sorry for being selfish at times.

Hot Pandesal: Rural Service Project 2009

My heart is still a little warm.

I just came from our Rural Service Project in Nueva Ecija, and I never thought it would be this heartwarming as an experiencing. It was so edifying to see the simple life they have, and how they manage to get by in their everyday struggles.

I've never been to Nueva Ecija, and the first time I got there, it did not strike me as a beautiful province. But having the chance to stay there for a week, I realized this province has an inner beauty kept within its people. I could not stress even further how great the people are.

I love their hot pandesal, their spanish bread, as well as the Kapitana's espasol.

Apart from the place having great people, what made the experience more than special is the happy company I had throughout. We were like the von trapp family, singing everywhere we go: singing a chorus in front of a 10-year-old birthday girl, singing while we paint, singing as we ride the calabao. Anywhere and everywhere, we have a song that befits the moment. One of the highlights of the week was when we had a big bowl of ice cream surprise, then smores (the real thing) the next night. Sugar rush would be an understatement, because we were like happy hyenas each time we had such good desserts.

What a joyous experience to be with good-hearted people, and to be able to share a part of my heart to people who, unknowing to them, have given more love than we have.

the clarinet, the clarinet, says doo-a-doo-a-doo-a-doo-a-det. the clarinet, the clarinet, says doo-a-doo-a-doo-a-det. The piccolo it sings it, it sways it, and it sings it. the piccolo, it sings it, it sways it, and it swings it. the horn, the horn, it sounds so forlorn. the horn, the horn, it sounds so forlorn. the bass...