undo

i love you, dad. i could only close my eyes and remember the happy times we had together. back when we were both younger, back when things seemed simpler than it is now. back when we'd go to UP and jog, back when we'd go to your "restaurant of the month" every Sunday, back when you would pick me up from school. you have no idea of how much i'm missing you right now. if only i could pick a time frame and choose to live there longer, i would.

sometimes when i see you breathe so fast, i just want to tell you, "Dad, slow down... not too soon, please?" i wanted to show you pictures of the past, because then maybe you'd take your time a little slower, because then maybe you'd get the chance to look back, and maybe wish to stay there longer, too. you breathe as if to count the days left. and the faster you breathe, the more that i'm losing my time with you.

Becoming

i will retreat to find solace
but i march ahead of the sun

what has been
would have always been

what will be
will never could have been

for in truth, i have everything
in reality, i have nothing
...
floating by the sink
were the dead little bodies

they were sensitive to my whispers
but couldn't hear me shouting

it was all about routine
from which they couldn't escape

when no one dared to ask
when no one tried to speak

i hummed a few letters
and blew the words to their ears

the kiss that glistened their eyes
that led them to tranquility

for in truth i lie naked
in freedom i fly alone

what becomes of me
is what i will become.

what i am to be
is what i have become

i march ahead of my days
so i can retreat and find solace

anarchy

follow not the emperor's order
for it wills to mock your heart
it wishes to dominate
your anarchistic thoughts.

the tyrannical rhythm of life
asks you to succumb
to the contagious humming
of the jacks, the queens and the kings.

everything is but a mirage of your desires
but beneath it all is the carefully plotted murder
the assassination of the ace of hearts
but nothing to lose, for everything is lost

the whistle of the guards
resounded to the next mountain
but in the river of silence
the clover whispered what must not be said

"death!" it said to the crowd
they looked at him in careful scrutiny
but everyone just went about their humdrum life
as if nothing erroneous happened.

and you? left to your confusion
you wish to understand
the trace of blood in everyone's footsteps
but with outright naive responses

and as you yourself shout
the truth they never want to know of
you will exist not to exist
but to be left in the middle of nowhere.

listen not to the emperor's desires
for it seeks to confuse your heart
unless you strive to struggle
to be free, to be wise, and to be true

you will never be unburied
from the deceptive truth
of the anarchistic life they set upon you
not unless you choose what everyone else failed to choose

Life.

what once were.

i Woke Up Smiling Today

your thought lulled me to sleep
as an incipient dream comes to mind
like a blanket it kept my reality to rest,
like a magic carpet it took me to my happy place.
i swam through my happy thoughts
as i choose one to embrace for the night
but it came to me without my looking
and it was the perfect one for me to last the fasting.

i painted everything i saw
and captured every pain and bliss
they flew like a bird that cannot fly
as they linger in my gentle grasp

in black and white
it revealed what i ought to say
in the middle of the grayness
it implied what i wanted you to know

everything in its right place
everything happened in perfect timing
as we swim together
through the minutes of the time

it started with your surreptitious glance
and ended with the perfect fitting of our hands
it was all a dream
like a kite that floats in the warmth of the sky
as if having a life of its own
as if threading the river of Reality
until it was tugged beneath
making it glide down gently

with the cold wind beneath
it resists as if to tarry things
but said good bye anyway
to the sweetness of the sky
hoping the dream was just a glimpse
of a far better Reality
that awaits by the stream of the river
my pleasant dream. my sweet Reality.

5april2007

finished

and it never remembered anymore.

unfinished

the season has forgotten once again.

seasons come and go

the season has forgotten once again.
i was waiting for you to come, but not a single sign.
has it not been the same?
the various memories that linger bit by bit
are slowly piercing my consciousness,
as some choose to be remembered,
others are simply there.
let
go ---

and i walk on.
the warm breeze that touched my face
kept me conscious of my reality.
this bittersweet reality
i wish not to see
holding on and holding back
it has let go
it has forgone.

tainted

i eat stars for breakfast
freak that faker oats.
i killed a wish feather again
the carcass of a spirit's end.

-shobe & karen

whistling down the rain