Formalin

it was a snippet of sanity coming to my senses
when i got to talk with you. drowned and drunken
with formalin vapor, my eyes and my head was
hurting and swirling. i see you, or so it seems.

slapping myself to wake up

Before I continue my review, I have decided to make my palmar and dorsal interossei along with my pollicis and digiti minimi muscles to do their work before I realize why they function that way. So here I am, making my blog entry.

My caffeine friend has not been good to me lately. Instead of keeping me awake for review, I've been feeling more sleepy than usual. I've been trying to stay up a little later than usual so my brain could hopefully retain a nice and neat memory of these muscle movements come exam day. But then, instead of the coffee keeping me awake, it's pulling me closer and closer to the bed and making me sleep like I have nothing to feel guilty about. wake up Karen! you still have a lot of things to learn.

I've been making a lot of muscle movements while reviewing, it feels like I'm doing some yoga or some weird hypnotic exercise, but then with my eyes all droopy and my brain feeling half-dead, how will I ever remember these things in my exam? I wish my muscles had their own memory. I don't care if they move on their own on the day of my exam as long as my pencil grip is working fine and allows me to shade the right letter.

On a different note...Classes were cancelled today. I guess pretty much every school had their classes cancelled. I think it's just great to have that extra day to procrastinate study really well for the next day's exam.

This no classes has caused me a little alarm. I was alarmed for the fact that I didn't know why we're having no classes today. I thought it was simply because of Iglesia ni Cristo's grand celebration, and not because of SONA. I headed home and saw a lot of police in front of our subdivision (which is a few blocks away from Sandiganbayan), and I didn't even realize it was about the SONA. in my head it was all because of Iglesia ni Cristo. Has med been this bad to me? Has it taken so much of my previous life from me?

haha enough drama. I'm just happy we have no classes today. :)

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photo from: http://www.medichere.com/

After rain

It's an after rain in the dusk.
You see the uncertainty
yet it feels just as pleasant
as seeing sunrise in the morning

Dead Silence

much as you try to get a hold of its losing end
it slips your grip, and thins out in the air.
the sounding vibrations decreases amplitude
and you hear none of the last word uttered.

before realizing what had happened
it has already buried itself into nothingness.

you just hit yourself with
dead silence.

Hello.

Good Morning, World!

Karen says hello.
he-llo-lo-lo
echo-o
o.

Birthday!

I'm not going to greet you today,
because you're not here.
You'd have to be here before I greet you.
hah. I'm just kidding, and don't even
attempt to scare me with your presence.

Happy birthday, Dad!
I don't want any drama today, ok?
Let's be happy on your birthday.
(hey that rhymes).

*wish*

learning

Today was a relatively light day, except for that nosebleed-inducing biochemistry class. Classes just finished, and I was along Taft Avenue inside a jeepney. On my left was a mom with a baby on her arms, and she had a lot of baggage along the aisle. The jeepney driver scolded her because her baggage were blocking the way when I was about to go in. Well, it didn't exactly cause me trouble, I was able to sit safely and comfortably beside her.

(k:karen, l:lady)
k: ano po pangalan niya? (pertaining to her baby)
l: Lannie.
k: ang kyut po niya. (and then I smiled. of course I didn't exactly see the face of her baby, but at that point it was the only thing I could say to her.)

She lifted the head of Lannie, trying to fix her position. At that point, I noticed that the back of her head was deformed, like it was pressed with a closed fist.

l: ang hirap dahil nagkarooon siya ng meningitis. mahina yung katawan niya, parang lampa.
k: ah talaga po? ilang taon na po siya?
l: 1 year and 7 mos. (i like it when mothers are very particular with the age of their children)
k: galing po kayo sa ospital?
l: oo, ang hirap nga kasi... basta. pag sa utak talaga ang hirap. tingnan mo, o.. (showing that when she put her finger on the palm of the baby, Lannie wouldn't close her fist to hold her finger. Babies normally have this grasp reflex wherein they naturally close their fist and hold on to whatever touches their palm.)

and the conversation went on... she asked me if it was normal that the baby gets fever when her teeth are growing. I said yes, and it happens even among young adults. She told me about epileptic moments of Lannie. I told her some things to do when it happens again. I told her how having Lannie is a great blessing to her. and then soon after, I went down the jeepney and said goodbye.

The conversation we had is significant to me...

1. because i recently had my neuro exam and the terms she was saying were still fresh to me. neurons were actually firing as they get depolarized for remembering such familiar terms and concepts.

2. because it was a conversation with a person who has real concern. Everyday, in class, I get to learn a lot of new things, both wanted and unwanted. But the conversation was a different source of learning, because it was real life, and it was right before my eyes.

tomorrow will be another day of new learning. :)

---

Fire Away!

I wish my synapses and neuronal transmissions
make very nice and neat connections. I hope they
are organized in such a way it won't be too hard
to recover information on the day of the exam.
Let all my CSF flow nice and smooth, and let no
fail neurotransmitters get on the way.

The complexity of the human brain amazes me,
and sometimes, instead of understanding it fully,
I am left stunned and awed. And I am very sure
this will not be helpful in my neuro exam, so please
brain, help me understand you, be kind, be good,
be a good brain.

meta-meta-meta-meta

i find it amusing that as I take an exam about
synapses and neuronal transmission, they are
already taking part, real time. I'm very sure
my neurons know what they're doing, I just hope
they let me know of it while I'm taking my exam.

fire away, happy neurons!

Home

i am home.

with seatmates and classmates who keep me awake during class
with friends who listen to my nonsensical rants
with professors who teach with passion and with their little quirks
with studying brains, cells, and neuroanatomy

with manila rush, dust, and whatnots
with the lack of sari-sari stores inside the campus
with sleepy and boring classes
with packing and unpacking and packing again
(to go home, to leave home, to go home)

because You're still with me
still, with my family.