2007

:) it's been a crazy year, Lord. I could never forget the journey that I had with You. I remember how i welcomed this year with no expectations and no thoughts about the future. I spent the New Year's Eve of 2007 watching the beautiful fireworks in the sky, cherishing the happy moments with my family, and without a thought beyond what's gonna happen the day after. I didn't even think about the coming days when the classes would resume and I'd be back on my academic mode. As each day unfolded, You opened my eyes to a world that's new, You helped me open my arms so I could embrace this whole new life. This year, You showed me a world that's different from the world I've grown to know. It is a whole new world in a kaleidoscope of reality.

Is it a world so much better? Yes. It is a new reality where everything is grounded on Love. To see the world with so much Love, and to live in this world giving love beyond one's capacity.

In all the aspects of my life, You've tested my capacity to give and to love. As I spent sleepless months last semester, faced with failing exams I could hardly accept, You have taught me perseverance and humility. That in any endeavor I wish to pursue, no matter how good it is in itself, it is never worth pursuing if it's not to give You true glory.

As our family went through, and is still going through, our greatest tribulation, You have taught us abandonment and greater faith, that indeed, omnia in bonum, everything for the good. Out of a seemingly unfortunate situation, You've turned it to be a life worth more than just precious stones.

You allowed me to have real friendships with people I knew long before, but had only this chance to know them as really wonderful people. You blessed me with such good people to make me realize that one of life's treasures are hidden among these kinds of people.

You gave me a life so much different from the life I lived, as You allowed me to walk with that one person --- a life not any sweeter, but so much worth living, as we ventured on a path that made us see in each other's perspective. The love that we try to keep in our happy thought box, uncontrollably radiates to the people we love most, and in our everyday dealings which we humbly offer to You.

As the hours slowly close on the year that was, and as I slowly welcome the new year ahead, I look forward to a new journey with You. I look forward to a life that wills to pursue that greater Life, a life to fulfill Your greater plan.

And that all You're asking of us is to simply love, and to love simply.

pieces

have you thought of something perfect today? i have. it's so perfect that i couldn't imagine the whole picture of it. it's so perfect that i fear imagining even an inch of it, for fear that in a minute or so, it'll vanish from my sight, vanish from my mind.

my heart has finally rested, but it remains to be in questioning. my heart is yearning to fall to its rightful place, where nothing else could take it away from that spot. It's when every piece around it has fallen to their right places.

benta :p

" I miss you Ayen! Last time I saw you, despedida pa ata ni Sir O. haha. Tara, despedida tayo ulit, hanap tayo ng paaalisin. hahahahaha! :p " - pam reyes.

Missives of a Hopeful Heart

A few months back, my dad was diagnosed to have a liver cancer. He got a liver transplant, and got back home after his one month recovery. Then he got confined again because he was getting dehydrated because of an unstoppable diarrhea. Last week, the doctor said my dad has more or less 2 months to live. It seemed too sudden, but it was not surprising either. Until now, I can hardly believe what he said, because my dad has never had a healthier disposition after he was diagnosed with liver cancer. My dad's home right now, watching Mission Impossible 3. He's out of the hospital just so he could spend Christmas at home, tomorrow we'll be back in the hospital again.

Whatever truth there was on the doctor's news, I'm not wasting any time as I try to cherish every moment I could have with him.

i love you, too.

I kissed my dad on his head just as i always do, but this time i told him that I love him.
He was silent until I said:
Dad's too shy to say I love you, too.
And then he said:
I love you, too.
Mom said: I love you, daddy.
Dad said: I love you, too.
Kuya Oliver said: We love you, daddy!
Dad said: I love you, too.

and then it seemed he was never getting tired of saying I love you.

hindi naman namin siya inuto diba? :p

Complete Family

We were complete as a family a while ago. It was joyous to see us all together in a room. This has got to be one of the happiest days...


Thank You, Lord, for the wonderful memories :)

oh i just know my dad's smiling... :p

anytime

while i was listening to music earlier, my dad said he feels sad. This is not the first time we got to talk about this, but this is the most recent account I can remember.

Dad: nalulungkot ako.
Karen: bakit naman?
I asked even if he tells me the same things over and over again.
Dad: wala, sa sitwasyon natin. Anong mangyayari sa inyo 'pag wala na 'ko?
Karen: Eh bakit mo ba pinoproblema 'yun? Hindi naman kami pababayaan ni Lord, at hindi rin kami magpapabaya.

*a little while later*

Dad: Anytime, karen, anytime pwede akong kunin.
Karen: As long as you're at peace with Him, daddy, there's nothing to fear.
Dad: prepared naman ako, eh.
Karen: Exactly. I've been asking Him to assure you a place in Heaven, so there's nothing to fear.

And then he went back to reading the gospel, trying to get to know more about Him before they finally meet.

Karen: Dad, bakit sinasabi mong anytime?

I asked because as of this moment we haven't told him about the 2 months. I asked to see what he knows.

Dad: dahil meron na sa lungs. ayoko na lang pag-usapan.

But of course, who are we to fool him. He should know, he's not a lung specialist for nothing.

the human heart

oh the human heart
it grieves as it feels the pain
it wishes not to be deceived
by the momentary oblivion of the pain
that even heightens the grief
as soon as it is awaken.
it pierces right through and through
as it hits you with much strength,
you accept it with so much weakness.
yet it won't bless you with death,
but only so close to it.

oh how your heart wishes to rest
with a naive life
you don't feel you'll be gifted
with the death that you so long for.

upon hearing

Lord, to sit beside my father, it's as if I could get a glimpse of heaven. Oh how it pains me to slowly bid him goodbye, but at the same time, how it makes me happy to know he'll be home soon.

flowers grew on my paper.

while i was waiting for the right answers for some physics problems to come out, flowers grew on my paper and i couldn't see my solutions anymore. the right answers never showed up.