Lenten Message

I haven't given the lenten season much thought. Academics have been wallowing up my thoughts to the point that i couldn't get a decent nap. I wake up every 2 minutes just to check my watch if it's time for me to get back to work.

The other night, i just had a nightmare on one of my major classes. good thing it wasn't bio11. i just can't imagine all the toads i killed chasing after me, or worse, doing their own study of science on human specimen, me as their specimen. so the nightmare was on my psych115 class. Nothing scary about the dream... just the fact that it's about 115 urged me to wake up right away. Nightmare? yeah. 'cause i couldn't get myself to wake up. i couldn't move. all i remember saying in my dream was "freak. it's 115." and i see a list of names, probably our sign-up sheet with the fake names we wrote. finally, i got myself to wake up. i looked at the clock, and saw that it was only an hour after i closed my eyes to sleep. *sigh* i got an hour of sleep but had a nightmare as well. :| (please mr.sandman, can i have just one muffin dream, too?)

amidst the traffic of different thoughts on my mind, i managed to pause for a while and put my mind solely on Him. "Hi God, i'm so tired from all these academic stress. Monday to Friday of this week was so monotonous, day-in day-out, i get up in the morning, rush for class, get so sleepy in my class that i'm only able to understand the last 15 minutes of the class, run to my next class, or sleep during my break, then classes end, and so we start our experiment. The only real rest i get is when i'm about to hear Your word during the mass. but after which, i will have to braise myself up to that tiresome trip going home."

Yes, i've been full of rants these days. i couldn't get myself to shut up and just embrace willingly one sacrifice for the day. It's just ironic that this lenten season, i've been full of myself. i haven't done much self-denial for the past weeks. and while i should be practicing even more the virtue of humility, i let myself succumb to that bitter aftertaste of pride. (to my groupmate: right from the start, i know you know how much i don't like the way you work. but even then, i know i could have chosen not to stress and pressure you this much. i'm sorry.)

i know that every single rant that i have is of my own fault. the root of it all is my giving in to that love of comfort. everything is pushed aside just so i could "rest" for a while, until i need to dive in the piled stress that i could have worked on one at a time. in short, if only i had better time management.

so for this lenten season, and for the last weeks remaining, i thought of a sacrifice well-suited for me. time management. the sacrifice is not so much on having sleepless nights, but starting on time and ending on time. that struggle to fight the first battle of waking up on time, and wasting not a single second on useless thoughts. no more "wait, 5 minutes pa." no more snooze. right on the dot, it has to be, "Good morning, Lord!" with a sleepy smiling face. :)

and for the rest of my daily annoying things, the best thing to do is to smile it off, and just continue being happy. afterall, lenten season doesn't have to be that gloomy purple we're all used to. It's about being happy for the sacrifices we're doing in union with His sacrifices. It's no use to deny yourself of all the comfort in the world, and yet you do it out of ritual/tradition. every sacrifice you make has to be done out of love, your love for Him, and for Him alone.

Lent is also a season of sharing and giving. so this lent, why not share a hand and make at least 5 people happy :) the more the merrier!

count up starts now! Happy sharing! :)