red light.

Happy New Year!

It’s a bit late for that greeting, but it doesn’t really matter. Another year has passed, and I don’t know how to make the start of the New Year decent. It doesn’t exactly feel like my 2007 has started. But it does feel like I’ve been here before. No new experience, just a bunch of déjà vu. But I’d say the world has indeed completed another revolution. Hurrah.

Will this year be the same as last year? I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready to face the New Year. How can I, if something’s holding me back? There’s been too much suffocation. I think I need to have another stop and watch my river again. Much as I try to go on with my journey, I couldn’t exactly follow. I couldn’t catch my breath. These past days have been pointless for me. They just went by without me noticing -- without me seeing what I was supposed to see, or experiencing what I was supposed to experience. I numbed my mind again without my consent. Thoughts are not coming out right; they’re all jammed somewhere in my subconscious. And even if they get to my consciousness, some are just wrong. They shouldn’t be there. Tsk. Where have all my good thoughts gone? There’s been too much thinking and now I’m bombarded with emotions that I don’t understand and don’t know how to handle. I feel like I’m playing charades with my emotions, trying to find out why I feel this, or why I’m going through this. *sigh*

I wonder how long this river-watching will take. Anyone for a stop?

Tired. Breathe for me, please.
Thank you.