Today's Post

18 January 2007

happy thought box.

I couldn't get myself to panic, even upon seeing the crime right before my eyes. I was there. Right in front of them. I couldn't understand why i had no intention to hide. I approached them nonchalantly; unaware of what i planned to do. i had the urge to remember as much detail as i could -- the plate number, their faces, and what was going on. And then he caught my eyes. I knew right then that it was too late for me to leave. Nonetheless, i turned my back but with no hurry. I didn't even try to waste my energy thinking of what to do next. all i knew is i had to walk back. not run, but walk. walk with my usual pace, as if nothing happened. what was i thinking?! i'm not really sure. my mind had shut down every noise there was. I could only hear my breathing... until there was complete silence. i counted the time left and said in the last second: "My Father." I was shot at the back. I knew it was coming, and it was what i waited for. It came at the very second I had predicted it would come. I'm sure something might have happened after that. but everything is just so vague. along with my consciousness, i lost my sense of time. i woke up not knowing what to say, not knowing what happened after the incident. but i remember vividly the incident before i lost my consciousness. whatever happened to me in between, it is just beyond rationality that i'm still here. i couldn't speak, i could only see the faces of the people around me. They were there. My brothers, my parents, a couple of my friends, and some of the people i miss. Not one of them could tell me what happened after the incident. But then again, maybe it didn't matter that i understand what was going on.

it was my comfort dream that i couldn't get myself to wake up just this morning. my dream was filled with much of my life's ambiguity, and yet i have as much certainty as to what it explains about my life. no, i don't need Freud to explain them to me. It was clear how it explains my thoughts --- my subconscious thoughts. They're particularly the thoughts that make me smile. Thoughts that are kept in my happy thought box.

if by any chance you catch me smiling for no reason, just smile with me. i may not know the particular reason, but i'm sure it's from my happy thought box :)

10 ruffleschmuffled:

Anonymous said...

AYEN! THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY...

MAG-INGAT KA, PLEASE.

Anonymous said...

ako yung kanina.

Anonymous said...

whoa..what a dream..i bet you have your own explanation for that..basta stay happy as long as you can..appreciate every little thing as long as it's there..smile, for you deserve to..happy thought box! :)

Anonymous said...

panaghinip lang yon diba??! nagulat ako nung nabasa ko. ..nawala yung antok ko. kala ko totoo na.

Karen said...

yup panaginip. ang weird ng mga panaginip ko lately.

Anonymous said...

ako din, ang weird ng mga panaghinip ko. kanina nanaghinip ako ng mga taong di ko kilala, tapos nagising ako at nakatulog ulit. tapos napanaghinipan ko nanaman sila. paulit ulit na sila ang nandon, pero iba iba ang story. hahaha. ang saya. pero weird.

Anonymous said...

basta malaman niyo lang ung reasons (ni God) behind those weird dreams nga, oks na..maybe they are situations that you will most likely gain lessons from para if mangyari sa totoo (dejavu), you're ready :) hehe may ganon din ako pero place naman..nakabuo na nga ata ako ng dream village ko eh haha

Karen said...

haha nako lileth. ang weird nun kung magkatotoo yung mga panaginip ko. lalo na yung recently!!! hahahah oh no. :| haha!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! More than thrice na ata akong nabaril sa mga panaginip ko, eh. Tapos minsan pa, masakit yung part na "tinamaan ako ng bala" pagkagising ko. AY! OO NGA, NOH. Sinabi ko nga sa 'yo dati, 'di ba, Karen, binaril mo ako sa panaginip ko! Hahaha! nung first year pa 'ko 'yun. Ewan ko kung naaalala mo pa. hahaha! Pero sigurado akong nangyari yun...

Anonymous said...

naku..that won't happen..i'll ask God to not let that happen :) ung dejavu thing na nasabi ko was pertaining to zari's dream and mine..ung sayo may reasons ka na dun db? :)