silence.

In the midst of your debating thoughts, just pause for a while and be silent.
*silence*
Try to listen this time.
Sometimes we think too much and come to no conclusion because all we really need is that moment of silence to hear what we're supposed to hear. It is in that silence that we embrace the meaning behind our confusion even if we don't understand its meaning. It is in that silence that we surrender ourselves to Him and just trust that things will eventually make sense. It isn't easy to come up with the best answers to our questions because we have such limited minds to have them all. Accept that we don't have all the answers to our questions and just offer to Him all our doubts, confusions, and worries.
We've created too much noise in our minds, when all we really need is that silence --- to be with Him, to commune with Him, to feel His presence.
Every right direction points to Him... it shouldn't be so hard to find the right way.

exhibit #6: kissing the sun

missing summer...

hohumm.

even as loneliness embraces your being
you try to reach for that one thing that'll make you happy.
it's as blurred as your life is right now,
yet you make a clear image of it in your mind,
trying to envision how it was to be happy.
the mindset is not the same as before,
but the being is just the same.
No matter how much effort you exert
into the account of being where you wish to be,
you end up no farther than where you started.
no sense of desperation,
but so much exasperation.
you breathe just the same,
but your heart beats as slow as your pacing in life could be.
you ask yourself where you're headed,
but you end up asking it again and again,
not knowing where you're really headed.
*sigh*
the loneliness of every second there is...
nothing more can be as lifeless as this.

and it's a constant struggle...

to keep my faith alive.
to see how God works in every aspect of my life
to give Him what is due to Him
to keep living for Him.
to strive for success not for my own but for Him
to be the best of I am as my greatest gift to Him.
to see Him amidst the sadness and happiness i am both embraced with.

forgive me for i am often left in a state of oblivion to Your existence.

cold whisper

you sit like a crumpled paper
trying to take as little space as possible
you try to keep yourself warm
but a cool wind blows through your ear
as if to whisper something you don't wish to hear
and the very thing you long to hear...
try as you might to keep it away from you
it grows with you, but not within.
it grows apart from you, but so much for you.
you nudge it as if it isn't yours.
and yet you long to embrace it as if the world has
forever hid it from you.
you feel and yet you don't understand.
the emotions inside well up to your utmost being
but nothing has ever made you stable as this before
you've lost all your sense of rationality
but it feels like as if everything's in its right place.
you get sensitive with almost anything your body senses perceive
and yet you get so numb
that you can't feel the cold wind
piercing through every inch of your body.
you embrace yourself
trying to keep everything to yourself
keeping the outside world away from you.
and it dawns to your senses
how you reached your defeat...
how the coldness of the wind overwhelmed your whole being
and yet has kept you warm from the beginning.
you stand up not feeling an inch of weariness.
everything's normal as they should
feeling as complete as before.
you look at the clock
and see how so much time has passed
then you walk on with your life...

Grand Tapestry

Love is not bound by time
It surpasses time and cannot be contained in each tick
Most often than not, time seems to clash with love –
Just when you wanted to say more, time wouldn’t permit
Just when greeted everyone, you needed to bid
farewell…
How sad… sad? Yes indeed in every way you look at it…
That is looking at it with a human’s eye.
Indeed through our wretched minds
We cannot understand how fast time flies.
But looking through heaven’s eyes
All had changed for a higher meaning
A meaning not grasped by our thoughts
But is found as a thread of God’s grand tapestry

by Herbert Montevirgen

everything's a blur right now. while every detail of the past is just so vivid, i couldn't make a clear picture out of it. i bombard myself with questions i know i can never find the right answers to. and even so, i just keep on asking.