the little paper cranes

The little paper cranes on my hand sought to fly to a whole new world.
Between the silences and long afterthoughts
they wanted to say something to kill the silence
then they'd laugh, then they'd marvel
at the little things they hear and see
The pink paper cranes on my hand sung a tune I once heard
in the middle of thoughts and contemplation
like the humming birds they brought healing
then they'd shout, then they'd run
with the joy of little children playing under the hiding sun

Graduate

"UP Graduate"

I've been asking my brother how he feels after graduation, and he kept saying, "nothing. it feels ordinary". I guess, I just couldn't get the right feeling after graduation. There are some occasions that bring out naturally what you feel about it, but this one, it brings out the grayness of how I feel.

There was a brief moment last night that I felt happiness in its deepest seat in my heart. It was when I envisioned my dad to be with us during the celebration. How he would have looked at us, his three children, his very own graduates. Being the dad that I know, I'm sure he would have related his own experience over and over and over and over again to all of us. "0.02 na lang, cum laude na 'ko" as he would always tell us. Pa'no ba 'yan, Dad, graduate kami ni kuya ng cum laude? I would always compete with my dad and his academic achievements. He, in return, would compete with me, but in the end, would pat my back and say, "ang galing mo, hindi ko kaya 'yun." My dad, with much pride over us his children, humbles himself from his own achievements. Maybe it's high time that I give this back to you. This is your honor, Dad, not mine.

After much thought on my mixed emotions, I realized it doesn't really matter that I decipher how I feel about it. There's a today that needs to be lived. And this today, just as any other day, is as ordinary but as important. Graduation for me is not a mark of break from academic stress, because for sure there will be more and even worse when I get to med proper. A day after my graduation, I find myself still scheduling out my errands and tasks. A day after my graduation, I still find myself waking up and asking myself "what do i need to do today?"

And well, a day after my graduation, I find myself thanking Him for not having left me on my own, and asking Him for much grace that I get through the coming days with much meaning and cheerfulness.

"I want a pony for my birthday."

As I got home from the little dinner we had after my college graduation, I sat on my bed, talked to Him, and said, "can I have more time, please?" I looked at the clock, it read, 9:00pm, but it was just ticking constantly.

I realized, my asking for more time from Him is like a little girl asking for a pony on her birthday. i guess in such cases, where the father would not want to burst the girl's bubble, he'd bring her instead to ride a carousel where different ponies are aboard.

"it goes round and round
atop a platform
ponies side by side
in pink, purple, yellow and blue."

And the girl, with that gleaming joy and hope in her eyes, would look at her father with much gratitude and affection. She sees the carousel, and she's happy as if she never liked having a pony on her birthday. --- We ask in simplicity, and we receive with greater humility.

I ask for more time, but I am given more things to do. Now, it does not seem to fit the carousel-for-a-pony-gift analogy. "Is it really more time that you need, or would you rather be efficient in your daily tasks?" left with nothing to say, I smile sheepishly and nod to say, yes i would rather be efficient in these tasks.

Sometimes we ask for a miracle, when it only requires that we be practical.

drafted poem

i've been wanting to write one
but my heart lacks stirring
i've been hoping to make one
but my thoughts are just elsewhere

i have an idea, i start jotting down
one word at a time, then a phrase,
a sentence, then a verse.
but it's always left hanging

i try to continue
but my once stirred heart is already placid,
my running thoughts suddenly reversed
i lost its footsteps.

poems written from the heart
verses of overflowing thoughts and emotion -
it was once a living expression
what's left is this poem in wrong stature and posture



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tonight, i'm not in the mood to write poems
but i said tonight i will defy this mood and write one.

Today Matters

I've been wanting to write about Rome, and no, this entry isn't about it. hehe! My roman entry will have to wait a few more days once i get my memory card with pictures. I'm placing a bookmark on my Rome experience, and by the time I'm ready to write about it, I'm pulling out the bookmark, and will be making the whole experience into a bookmark in itself.

Today Matters.

I've heard that line a thousand times already, and I'm reading a nonfiction book with that exact title. It's a book by John C. Maxwell. I'm not yet done with the book but so far I'm impressed with the good insights I'm getting, and little by little, I've been attempting to live it myself --- this whole idea of giving importance to the little details of each day.

Today, that I'm not in Rome anymore, still matters. Today that I'm spending quality time with my family matters a lot. Today, regardless of whatever past or future, matters. Today that I'm living my life to love matters.

"Sunrise"

To Rome

I'm off to Rome! Arrivederci!

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photo from: http://www.kiwipulse.com/rome-i-came-i-saw-i-conquered/