guiding memories

Hi dad. How are you? I wonder what crazy antics you've been doing there. Have you tried cooking your favorite food? Have you tried cooking an artichoke just as you learned from cooking shows?

Well, life here's pretty much the same. only everyday that i wake up, i realize life gets harder and harder, yet it gets more fulfilling to live. There's probably no need to tell you what's been going on here, but there's this satisfaction of being able to share these things with you, hoping i could really tell these things before you.

We have a new dog! Tobi's his name (from toblerone). you're probably going to hate him more than you hated Hershey, because he's extremely playful and there's no doubt you're bound to step on him since he's so small. and you'll probably kick him aside when he gets in the way. Nonetheless, he'll take it as you playing with him, and he'll even love you for that. Aww dad, i know you secretly loved hershey when you were here. telling us that when all of us were already asleep as you come home, hershey comes running to you, standing on her two hindlimbs, trying to get your attention. I knew how much you appreciated those moments. well, here's another dog to welcome you home, only you're already home and won't need these dogs.

for the past days, i've been thinking about you more than usual. when life seems to get tougher, i imagine how you were able to go through your own struggles. i imagine what you would have told me if i tell these things to you. i imagine what you would have done yourself if you were in my position. i remember during the times that you yourself went against the grain, and how you simply went on it without hesitation because you knew well you were fighting for what's right, and what's true. i wish i were as strong as you were.

i miss you, dad. sometimes i wish you were still around, because having you around meant i don't have to push myself to be stronger. because with you, i'm still someone's little girl, and i get the license to be dependent on you. i remember how you once told me, "19 years old ka na? hindi ba 16 ka lang?" aww dad, it's like you forget that you danced with me during my debut. i guess it's natural for an only girl to be her dad's little girl forever, even until the point you should have walked me down the aisle.

in any case, dad, you know i'm doing great. you know how you're still very much part of my everyday life. your memory has led me to a lot of good and right decisions, and i intend to continue living with the same guiding thoughts.

yes, i promise to study really really well, to be on guard when commuting, and not to lose hope when life seems to tell me i'm not for med. haha dad, you would have to convince harder than that.

parents

I admire people who value their parenthood. i admire people who do not just enter parenthood because they were led to being parents, but because they themselves wanted to be parents no matter what it takes. i admire people who bring parenthood to a high pedestal, such that being parents themselves is already a priceless treasure.

with the recent issue on contraceptive and family planning going around, i can't help but be saddened by the fact that there are still a lot of those who wish to limit their parenthood to mere obligation and within their selfish wants. Of course, smart parenting requires that you plan your family, and that you ensure each child is given what he/she needs. But of course, smart parenting requires, as well, that sacrifices have to be made in little things and in big things. at the end of all arguments, it's a matter of how one is willing to love and deny oneself.

a little girl to her friend:

girl: she's my mom (referring to her yaya)
friend: but she's not your mom, she's your yaya. where's your real mom?
girl: mommy's working so we get to go to hongkong every weekend.

sometimes we are led to think that to be a good parent is to give all the material wants of the children --- that the love of a parent can be measured by how many trips and dolls you are able to give to your child. but when asked what your child's favorite color is, you couldn't even answer a guess.

yes, we need to save money for the child's future. but what future are you trying to paint for your child? think of how much love you will be able to give beyond what money can buy. think of how much love your child really needs, beyond what you thought trips to London could give her.

More than valuing money for your child, maybe you could teach your child to value money. more than taking your time to build the future of your child, maybe you could spend time with your child to know what future she wants for herself.

how much love can you give to your child? how much are you willing to sacrifice for your child?

today i see yellow again.

i have been unhappy the past days. not sad, but unhappy. sometimes, even if i'm aware that happiness is a choice, i dwell too much on negative vibes, not knowing how much it's already polluting my neurons and nerve endings. it's been pretty gloomy. and i could not say what effort it took me to be able to pose a happy jump, hoping to keep happiness still and printed in a yearbook that will last for decades.

but today, i see yellow again.

chesca's yellow nail polish, shobe's yellow marker/highlighter, and the nostalgic music of The Wonder Years. these are but little things that paved way to my happy neurons. welcome back happy neurons!

they hope for happy endings, i hope for a happy beginning that's never ending :)

there's typhoon named after me

sometimes you just have to go against the grain.

truth is
you love them.