it's been a while

it rained so hard, and softened the land that was almost forgotten. the little ones scurried off trying to find a safe shelter for the time being. where were they during those days? we wouldn't know, because we were all caught up with our own sphere, with our own personal space.

i followed a raindrop fall down the glass window as it joined the rest of the raindrops. i wonder... was it like coming home as it joined the rest? home, as it went back to the land it came from? or was it a suicide it took as it left all the comfort and happiness from up above? we wouldn't know, because we were all caught up with our own dealings, dealings that we say are greater than anyone else's.. responsibilities that we claim are bigger than anyone else's.

so much thoughts have passed, and so much sentiments have been ignored. i'm typing this entry with a lot of thoughts in mind---so much that it throbs faster than my heart is. well it always has.

the river.
yes the river, where is it?
i turned my back
to breathe for a while
and when i'm about to go back
i can't see it anymore.

i found a seashell full of memories --- memories i don't recognize, memories that were once owned and cherished. it allowed me to see a part of the past, but i could not piece together the images flashed before me. they were not mine... no, they could not be. i have my own seashell... one that looked-- exactly like this. it had two holes on one end... much like this one. but these are not my memories, not even a single image is mine. its owner must feel so miserable to have lost his. if only it had the owner's name, i'd be happy to ride off from my raft and find my way to him.

oh, the memories? well, they were happy memories. genuine happiness that it almost made me cry. but there was one image that showed so much sadness. he was crying... i wanted to know why. i wanted to see another image that explained why, since all the rest were happy memories. who did this to you? i asked as i watched him cry. and it was even worse on my part to see him cry but could not do anything; for every image is part of the past, every image is part of someone else's memories---cherished memories. and then the next image was another of the happy times, but i could not take my mind off from the moment he was crying. it was so true...his sadness. from his smiles and laughter, it didn't seem like he was capable of crying to that extent. it did not seem like there'd ever be a moment that would make him cry. and i constantly ask why as i flip through the images. but none of them answered my question. i flipped and flipped the images, more laughter, more of those happy moments. and then i saw myself. what am i doing here? i was just seated quietly. and that was all the image could show. confused? so much.

i closed the images and stared at the seashell. i turned the seashell, as i wondered where could the owner be? ---my name. that's my name. i saw my name carved at one end of the seashell. my hands grew numb, my eyes started welling with tears, as the seashell slipped from my hand to my foot. and the images? what were the images about? the images flashed back to my mind... much like metamemories. the images started to come together as one, with the image of myself seated quietly in the middle of everything... and i looked at that image carefully, it was me, holding a seashell. a seashell? yeah. much like the one i held minutes ago. and then a new image appeared---it was me... with the seashell on my foot.

i closed my eyes for a moment, a moment i thought was long enough to take me to my next scene. but when i opened my eyes again, the images were gone, but the seashell was on my hand again. there's just one question in my mind... where is he?