thank you

You were there all along.
thanks.

this isn't enough... but nothing will ever be enough.
i can never be enough, if not through you.

it was painful for me to be witnessing these things before my very eyes.
but i couldn't do much.
even as i try to avoid seeing what's going on
and as much as i preoccupy my mind with something else
the very lines i hate to hear are the only words that get through me.
this isn't how things really are, is it?
it was surreal.
like it was created by an impressionist painter.
that brief moment captured and preserved in a canvas
that sketchy style with no abstraction nor distortion
i waited for the red curtains to close
but everything was too real. too real.
much as i like to be numbed
it was piercing right through me.
i wanted to get mad
but couldn't.
there was pain
but i couldn't do anything but accept it.
every bit of it.
i was trying to direct my eyes on you
just so i feel i'm safe
just so i know everything will turn out okay
and it was your __ look (and there's not even a word to perfectly describe your look)
that embraced my anger with much love
the pain was still there
but it was there because i love
it was there because you placed that seed of love in me
it was there because i feel, i'm real, i live.
you let me see the beauty of my pain
so i can embrace it with love
you never let go of my hand
saying i can abandon to you everything
you lifted my chin and asked me to look only at you
not to look elsewhere
because there's pain anywhere i look
but that love and serenity i see only in your gaze.
thank you.

and it is absolutely true
that your love and generosity can never be outdone.
even beyond the infinite reality of this world.
thank you. i am happy.

"you know all things and you know that I love you"