just a week ago, my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer. That explains why weeks before he was admitted to the hospital, he's been feeling really really week to the point that he's home already by 5pm when he's usually not yet home until 1am. that explains why weeks before he was admitted he's been inviting us to pray the rosary. that explains why one day when he picked me up in school, he heard mass while waiting for me. but it was only a day before he got admitted to the hospital was i able to understand the complications of his condition. i never thought of the possibility that he'll stop working altogether because of his condition. i didnt know it was to the extent of liver cancer, even if he's been telling us it could be liver cancer. he just didn't seem like he's capable of having cancer... after all he's an oncologist, a specialist in cancer --- oxymorons of life.
whenever i get sick and have pains from dysmenorrhea, it's his hand that i hold on to find comfort, more than from the pain reliever he gives me. and when i got sick years before, one week of vomitting every intake of food, he'd hold my hand and wait for me to fall asleep. he was more than a doctor... he was a miracle worker, because with just his hand, he could take my mind off the pain and walk me to my happy thought place. whenever i feel down with acad stress, he never really gave words of encouragement, but i find so much assurance and confidence from the truthfulness of whatever he'd say. he's always been the strong figure i look up to. and it was so distressing to see him trying to cover up his weakness and almost losing hope. to see him lean forward on the table whenever he felt nauseated. doctors are not supposed to do that... dads don't do that. they're strong.. always. or so i thought.. but even to this point that he's sick and weak, he has not stopped giving me that strength i need. i'd still hold his hand and find so much comfort and assurance from him. i'd still hold his hand that's always been bigger and warmer than mine, saying he's never going to leave us even if he moves on to the next life. my dad... is still a dad afterall.
Only a week has passed since this life-changing event happened to us. and i've never felt God's presence more than i feel it now. His love has never left us, and it's even more present now that we're going through this. for years now, i've been praying for Him to bring my dad closer to Him, and my dad's never been closer to Him than he is now. And I've never seen my family love each other so much this way before. I think our family has reached the most materialistic period of our life, and with this event, God has brought us back to the ground, allowing us to see one of the most important things one can have in life... a family that's filled with love --- with God's love. Once again, we are reminded of the temporariness of life. We are reminded of Who really owns our life, and to Whom we should be living our life for. Once again, we are reminded of the greatness of time that can leave us altogether if we are not fast enough to run at the same pace... allowing us to see that if we're too slow, we'd end up having so much regrets of not being able to say what we wanted to say, regrets of not being able to do what we wanted to do. time slaps us as if to say we've been dilly dallying all the time, always waiting for a moment that it's almost, if not already too late to say and show we love this person we always take for granted. to hug and kiss this person we almost always ignore since we see him around most of the time. it makes me realize how physical presence is not enough, and how the mere presence of love is more than enough than being there physically. indeed, everything is in Good Hands.
now, my dad's disposition has never been better. i see him smiling a lot, and laughing from time to time. of course he never fails to remind us always of the next important things in life, such us... never leave the lights on if no one's using, take off the power cord if the equipment's not in use, to keep in mind our budget expenses, and of course, to take care always, especially if we're commuting.
my dad's still admitted in the hospital, but he's been seeing his patients already, his new colleagues as my brother would say. he gave a chemotherapy for one of his patients two days ago, did his rounds yesterday, accomplished a prescription and test requests for one patient a while ago. whew. my dad cannot be stopped from working for as long as he can.
dr. montevirgen would greatly appreciate your prayers, even if it just meant mentioning his name in your prayers.
i love you, dad. it's such a great honor to be able to call you dad.
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when i told him he can't leave yet because he has to wait for me to finish my med studies, he said, "bakit, nu'ng nag med ba 'ko, may pera ba 'ko?" --- he never uttered words of encouragement, but mere truth.
At dusk
3 days ago
