Infinitely Defined

Dear God,
In the best effort that I live each day for you, you have given me experiences and opportunities, both mundane and significant, to understand what you wish  to tell me. I'm starting to see that each day is like a postcard with your message in it. I wake up in the morning, rush to my letterbox, and see a postcard waiting to be appreciated and read. Each day is a postcard from you. :)


At times I would care to appreciate your postcard, but more often than not, I just read and look at it without much thought --- like those days that have gone by without noticing you so much. And yes, I might have missed on a lot of sweet nothings from you already. Those postcards, which I failed to keep in my memory box, are already lost in the past without a chance to be appreciated better. 


From now on, I should ask myself towards the end of the day, what are you telling me with all these? What's my postcard today all about? Thank you for the postcards, God. I think I will reply to one of your postcards soon.


Love, 
Karen

Look Up

Photosource

And I look up as I try to search for answers. Unexpectedly, Your blessings came in pouring without ceasing. You caught me again with a beautiful surprise. :)

"I want a pony for my birthday."

As I got home from the little dinner we had after my college graduation, I sat on my bed, talked to Him, and said, "can I have more time, please?" I looked at the clock, it read, 9:00pm, but it was just ticking constantly.

I realized, my asking for more time from Him is like a little girl asking for a pony on her birthday. i guess in such cases, where the father would not want to burst the girl's bubble, he'd bring her instead to ride a carousel where different ponies are aboard.

"it goes round and round
atop a platform
ponies side by side
in pink, purple, yellow and blue."

And the girl, with that gleaming joy and hope in her eyes, would look at her father with much gratitude and affection. She sees the carousel, and she's happy as if she never liked having a pony on her birthday. --- We ask in simplicity, and we receive with greater humility.

I ask for more time, but I am given more things to do. Now, it does not seem to fit the carousel-for-a-pony-gift analogy. "Is it really more time that you need, or would you rather be efficient in your daily tasks?" left with nothing to say, I smile sheepishly and nod to say, yes i would rather be efficient in these tasks.

Sometimes we ask for a miracle, when it only requires that we be practical.

paradox

You are the greatest paradox
because you ask that i may lose my life
in order to gain Life.
You ask that i forget myself in loving other people
so that I may find myself better.
You ask that i forget my own happiness
so that i may gain true Happiness.
You teach me to love
not that i may love them with my whole being,
but to love them as if it's You who's loving them.

while everything is seemingly complex
You ask me to see things with simplicity
That this life,
You ask me to keep it simple,
but to keep it simple,
i'd have to accept
all complications of life with Love.

You accept my nothingness
so as to give complete meaning to my life.
So much so that my wholeness is empty
without You.

2007

:) it's been a crazy year, Lord. I could never forget the journey that I had with You. I remember how i welcomed this year with no expectations and no thoughts about the future. I spent the New Year's Eve of 2007 watching the beautiful fireworks in the sky, cherishing the happy moments with my family, and without a thought beyond what's gonna happen the day after. I didn't even think about the coming days when the classes would resume and I'd be back on my academic mode. As each day unfolded, You opened my eyes to a world that's new, You helped me open my arms so I could embrace this whole new life. This year, You showed me a world that's different from the world I've grown to know. It is a whole new world in a kaleidoscope of reality.

Is it a world so much better? Yes. It is a new reality where everything is grounded on Love. To see the world with so much Love, and to live in this world giving love beyond one's capacity.

In all the aspects of my life, You've tested my capacity to give and to love. As I spent sleepless months last semester, faced with failing exams I could hardly accept, You have taught me perseverance and humility. That in any endeavor I wish to pursue, no matter how good it is in itself, it is never worth pursuing if it's not to give You true glory.

As our family went through, and is still going through, our greatest tribulation, You have taught us abandonment and greater faith, that indeed, omnia in bonum, everything for the good. Out of a seemingly unfortunate situation, You've turned it to be a life worth more than just precious stones.

You allowed me to have real friendships with people I knew long before, but had only this chance to know them as really wonderful people. You blessed me with such good people to make me realize that one of life's treasures are hidden among these kinds of people.

You gave me a life so much different from the life I lived, as You allowed me to walk with that one person --- a life not any sweeter, but so much worth living, as we ventured on a path that made us see in each other's perspective. The love that we try to keep in our happy thought box, uncontrollably radiates to the people we love most, and in our everyday dealings which we humbly offer to You.

As the hours slowly close on the year that was, and as I slowly welcome the new year ahead, I look forward to a new journey with You. I look forward to a life that wills to pursue that greater Life, a life to fulfill Your greater plan.

And that all You're asking of us is to simply love, and to love simply.

upon hearing

Lord, to sit beside my father, it's as if I could get a glimpse of heaven. Oh how it pains me to slowly bid him goodbye, but at the same time, how it makes me happy to know he'll be home soon.

behind the confusion and doubts
i will for nothing more but to love You most ardently.

lazy day.

Dear Lord,
the day is just full-packed, and it's just the perfect timing to feel this lazy. i woke up early, was able to cook spaghetti, i was all giddy and excited to do the things i'll do today, and now i'm just so lazy to do them. i saw my bed, saw how the sun outside is not so bright - perfect lighting. the day is just so perfect for me to sleep all day, and maybe read my book once in a while. oh it's just the perfect day to sit back and relax.

yes, i know. i'm just being stubborn. i'll go anyway and see how i can make this day a perfect day to offer up to You. i love You, Lord.

Amen.

haha!

i should be dead by now!

i've gone past my 18 years of existence - the predicted year of my death. so i guess i have yet to see the most beautiful thing on earth, to meet the most wonderful person alive, to love as much as God allows me to, to say the right words to a person in need, to meet more friends, to learn about the most interesting fact or thought on earth, to be in the most wonderful place, to see the most unusual creature on earth, to feel the most painful feeling at the same time that most glorious experience with Him. I am yet to be touched by the life of that inspiring person, to be loved by my family, to have more happy thoughts, to be saved by Him every minute of my life, to be the person He wants me to be...

and the list goes on...

Thank You, Lord, for the gift of life. Through Your eyes, i've seen so much. So much enlightenment about reality, the most painful and the most fulfilling. and for all those, i will forever be thankful. You have given me so much, while i give back so little... You have not stopped loving me, even for the thousand times that i get tired struggling for you. i have so much complains while you only give the most encouraging words. I've been stubborn, i've always been one, and yet on my birthday, i ask for more patience from You. You know how much i try to give, as much as I can, the things You ask of me, and yet how much i make excuses not to do them. On my birthday, i ask, still, for that strength that i may carry on Your will for me. And on my birthday, i ask so much from you again, just like in any other ordinary day.

You have made this day a special day for me, but i haven't thought of making it something special for you. But i sure don't want it to end just like most of my lazy days... this day is for You, Lord. and hopefully, the years to come...my whole life.

i ask from You what i always ask for...be with me, always. as i end this letter for you, i hope to continue my life of prayer.

amen.

uncertain.

It's always a question of 'how do You want me to go about with my life?'. There is always that uncertainty with my actions, Lord, but i trust in what you will for me. Sometimes what you want is out of my expectations, but Lord, grant me please to have that courage to do it with much willingness.

through You, and for You.

salamat sa'yo.

Lord, You know all things, and You know that I love You. There's too much pain right now that i don't know how to go about it. Teach me to embrace this pain with much love, and to trust only what You plan for me. I have nowhere to turn to but to You alone... be with me.

thank you

You were there all along.
thanks.

this isn't enough... but nothing will ever be enough.
i can never be enough, if not through you.

it was painful for me to be witnessing these things before my very eyes.
but i couldn't do much.
even as i try to avoid seeing what's going on
and as much as i preoccupy my mind with something else
the very lines i hate to hear are the only words that get through me.
this isn't how things really are, is it?
it was surreal.
like it was created by an impressionist painter.
that brief moment captured and preserved in a canvas
that sketchy style with no abstraction nor distortion
i waited for the red curtains to close
but everything was too real. too real.
much as i like to be numbed
it was piercing right through me.
i wanted to get mad
but couldn't.
there was pain
but i couldn't do anything but accept it.
every bit of it.
i was trying to direct my eyes on you
just so i feel i'm safe
just so i know everything will turn out okay
and it was your __ look (and there's not even a word to perfectly describe your look)
that embraced my anger with much love
the pain was still there
but it was there because i love
it was there because you placed that seed of love in me
it was there because i feel, i'm real, i live.
you let me see the beauty of my pain
so i can embrace it with love
you never let go of my hand
saying i can abandon to you everything
you lifted my chin and asked me to look only at you
not to look elsewhere
because there's pain anywhere i look
but that love and serenity i see only in your gaze.
thank you.

and it is absolutely true
that your love and generosity can never be outdone.
even beyond the infinite reality of this world.
thank you. i am happy.

"you know all things and you know that I love you"

nothing to fear

i had nothing to fear

for You were there.

How else will I do this,
if not through You?
Why else will I do this,
if not for You.
Lord Jesus, teach me to forget about myself.

and it's a constant struggle...

to keep my faith alive.
to see how God works in every aspect of my life
to give Him what is due to Him
to keep living for Him.
to strive for success not for my own but for Him
to be the best of I am as my greatest gift to Him.
to see Him amidst the sadness and happiness i am both embraced with.

forgive me for i am often left in a state of oblivion to Your existence.

Dear Lord,

today i woke up feeling really sleepy and not wanting to get off from the bed, but soon after hoped that i woke up earlier to have at least my goodbye kiss from my lola and little cousins.
today i saw dark clouds covering the sky and soon after i felt the heat of the sun on my skin. today i passed by a lot of busy people smiling, sharing angsts, laughing, and people wearing straightfaces. (probably having deep thoughts, or maybe wandering off from the real world) today i was with friends i haven't seen for quite a while, and friends i didn't see but was expecting to see. today i felt a little resentment knowing my brother will be asking me to do things for him, but more than that, i felt honored to be doing it for him. today i went to the mall where expensive things were sold but was able to buy nothing. today i was served by people who unintentionally gave a poor service, but served with all the friendly smiles they can give. today i planned to save money but was happy that i spent them on people i care. today i saw rich people with smiles on their faces, and it's good to see such happy people. today i saw a little girl lying on a sidewalk with a plastic cup on her hand, while people passed by not noticing her or chose not to notice her. i felt a smile in my heart because i know how much warmth of Your love she is receiving every second of her life. today i said i was already full from the merienda i had, but ended thanking for the grace of food You laid down on the table. the dinner was really a grace, because more than the food we had, was the laughter that filled our hearts. and a lot more things to be happy about happened today...

i write this letter for reasons i can't put in simple expression of emotions. You've been with me throughout the day and Your love is just so evident with every second i had with You. The boldness of Your beauty from the simplest scenery of joy and even suffering, to the beauty that lies within each person i encountered today, is so magnificent that it is so surprising to be a mere glimpse of its wholeness. and as the night comes to an end, i thank You for the overwhelming Love, and for the gift of today that left me with a happy heart.

all for Your greater glory, Lord.
Amen.

yours

I'm yours.
to do most anything that pleases You,
to be most everything that makes You happy.