coloring my thoughts and emotions

i've been coloring through colourlovers.com. It's an online community where you create your own set of palettes and patterns, either out of sheer brilliance or from an inspiration. Why would I want to do that, and why does it interest me? Because they're colors! :)

These thousands of lovely colors have infinite ways of being combined and grouped together. And what a lot of lovely possibilities. :) You do the math, but i bet it's more than the count of stars. Thank God I have cone receptors, and that I'm a trichomat, so I see such fascinating colors.

I noticed I have not been writing any poems, but I've been wanting to express more than the explicit statements I say here, and so my emotions are let out through these colour palettes and patterns :) A good way of adding a little color to this, uhm... oh-so-white-blog.

here are some of my created palettes:

The Lone Bird

Lone Happy Tree

Here's to a birth of a new tag, Colors :)

http://www.colourlovers.com/lover/happycrayon

Squeezed Lemon

I should want to end this week like a sweet lemon
squeezed and thrown out to Rome :)

happy crayons

ooh happy crayons.

happy colors.
happy
:)

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photo from http://hastac.ning.com/

Personal Space

Today's both a happy and exhausting day. Mindy and I decided to go to Manila to check out condo units. We were hoping to see favorable terms and conditions for our stay next school year, and well, we did. Now it's just up to both our parents to decide. I wanted to blog about this particular experience, but I think it's an experience waiting to be continued since we have not finalized our decisions yet. And so the next few lines will be about what happened after our condo-hopping.

Mindy and I parted ways at Boni Ave. MRT station. I was heading to Trinoma to meet my mom and my brother who has car. It was most convenient for me since I did not have to bother for an extra ride from the MRT station going home. And well, the only thought I had in my head was, "I wanna go home". It did not even occur to me that it was rush hour at that time. By now you might have an idea already with what's this about. Yes, you guessed right. Rush hour = crowded mrt.

I had two baggages with me, a heavy bag and my laptop. It's been against my principle to commute with my laptop. I've always resorted to take the cab whenever I have my laptop with me, but this day was particularly different from those days, because I felt the strong need to save on money. Not such a bad idea, i thought. I realized I'd be avoiding heavy traffic, as well.

As I got on the platform, the only thought I still had in my head was, I wanna go home.

1, 2, 3... 4, 5, 6... 7. Oh Lord, please let the next train be my train. Yes, there were 7 trains that arrived the station, but it was too difficult to get in. It was already impossible to tell the faces of the people because it was really really crowded inside. I got pushed, and pushed, sadly, pushed away that I could not get my way through the crowd. I was texting my mom, and here's how it went:

m: san ka na?
k: dito pa rin po. 7 trains na, and i still couldn't get in. Nakakaiyak na po, kasi nanunulak sila, eh. :(
m: manulak ka rin.

Finally, when all the people who pushed me away got their way to the train, I got a spot right in front of where the doors would stop. I was at the middle. 8th train came, with the number 14 in front. And I got in without effort because the people behind me just pushed me inside. The outgoing passengers kept saying that they be let out first, and I wanted to give way but I couldn't. It was just too impossible to make a move out of my own will. I was literally going with the flow. I realized Bernoulli's principle (A1V1 = A2V2) is not necessarily true for this phenomenon.

Inside the train, well, it was hard to imagine that there was a concept such as personal space. It was partly deindividualizing because people did not care that they were purposely pushing each other. The only goal was to get out or to get in. Horrible system, I tell you. And well, I admit that I'm not really an MRT-commuter. I ride jeepneys more than trains. Jeepneys are also crowded, however people move to allow other commuters to take a seat as much as possible, whereas on trains, they move to push other people away. I just thought even if jeepney's crowded, there's still respect on personal space, but in MRTs, the system hardly allows us to do so.

when I arrived in Trinoma, i saw people neatly lined up as they enter the mall. and it was a good sight to see such order.

ack. ang haba na.

anyway, i'm home, enjoying my personal space with my family. thank God for my family. they really brighten my day.

whistle a happy tune

lala-lalala-lalalala-lala

sleigh bells ring, are you listening?
in the lane, snow is glistening.
a beautiful sight
we're happy tonight
walking in a winter wonderland.

what's your happy tune? :)

They Rock.

Who? Michael Learns to Rock.

Only I got stuck to their old old album, 25 minutes. My brother and I would sing their songs from the heart. nah, actually he does, and i just murmur the lyrics because i never really got to memorize the song wholeheartedly. although i want to.

i never realized their last album was released as recent as 2008. And I don't know their songs anymore. tsk. outdated na 'ko.

paint my love.

and yet another death

when my dad died, it hurt me, like there was a numbing force that hit my heart. but when this girl died unexpectedly, it hurt me like little pinpricks everytime i remember her. I was never really close with Lei (middle of the photo). But for a short period of time I got to know her, I grew to like her and appreciate her as a person. I met her when we danced to represent psych in front of the whole CSSP, dancing Dancing Queen. After that, she would always greet me like we were longtime friends already. She would always greet me "Ate Karen" even if i never wanted anyone calling me "Ate". One time she disclosed "Natutuwa ako kay Ate Karen, kasi para siyang si Ate Cris." Even if her knowledge of me was still that superficial, I already liked her bubbly personality. We were both "feeling close" to each other. We would team against one of my batchmates, and it just seemed natural that we be like that to each other. I remember forcing her to go to the Benefit Concert we had. She was not obliged to, but she did even if it meant going out of her way.

When I heard the news, my heart stopped. I could not hear her name right. Or maybe it was my way of denying it was "Lei" i was hearing. I thought, who? Elaine? May? But there was no point denying. what I heard was right, and it was "Lei". My first thought, Lord, why? I would not understand well, and I wonder what more if I were in the place of her parents, or the people closer to her. I guess everyone was at that point of asking why, since everyone was caught by this big surprise.

Hindi naman kami close, pero bakit ko siya ginagawan ng blog entry? Because with the little time I had with her, she has touched my heart dearly. Her passing away reminds us that sometimes, life will not allow us to be able to say goodbye to everyone we love, but that each moment spent with them should be one that you would want them to remember you by.

Unknowingly, she was already bidding goodbye to each of us during her last days on earth. It was a sweet goodbye such that we never noticed it was already her last, and it was a sweet goodbye because the times she spent with us are those we would always remember her by.

I still hear her laughing. Lei had that distinct laugh. It was a laugh she could never fake. Her happiness was always genuine, and it was such that would make you unconsciously happy as well.

In my head, I see her standing in the middle of the crowd. Everyone's attention is directed to her, with her loved ones surrounding her. And I stand at a distance as she glances to my direction to say a short goodbye. And I respond with a simple but heartfelt thank you. You will be missed, Lei.

Dad, meet Lei. Lei, meet my Dad. :) He would tell you how I was also asthmatic as a kid, and how pasaway I was about my asthma. Oh, and he's a pulmo specialist, he'll take care of you. or maybe there's no need. silly.

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photo from sam isleta

finding time

"We don't own time. We find it and manage to make it." - Caro, 2009

What a fitting advice. Last stretch has always been this way. It's like feeling the gravity pulling you closer and closer to the ground because of all the workload. And still, I say, this is not cramming? Well, yeah! I'd like to believe this is not denial. I realized, professors also have that tendency to think alike when we're nearing our finals week. It's the time they feel they have no choice but to give their final exams, final deadlines, etc. It's a season of nothing but deadlines.

preparing my last stone.

loving it.

[x] chem 31 exam |mar23
[x] chem 31.1 problem set
[x] chem 31.1 exam |mar23
[ ] chem 31 final exam
[x] chem 31.1 unknown analysis |mar17
[x] chem 31.1 compound write-up
[ ] 180 exam
[ ] 180 transcription of interview
[ ] 180 empirical paper
[x] 180 encoding
[ ] 180 observation
[ ] 180 data analysis
[x] 135 reflection paper |mar24
[x] 135 outline for report
[ ] 135 research
[x] 135 2-point |mar17
[ ] 135 empirical paper
[ ] 135 "quiz" / exam
[x] 135 results (experiment) |mar17
[x] 135 discussion (experiment) |mar18
[ ] graduation

The Last Stone

It doesn't feel like I'm facing my last days of my undergraduate years. Graduation seems to be a little elusive. With the lot of requirements that are yet to be finished, graduation still seems unimaginable. Hmm which reminds me, I haven't seen any sunflower along the university avenue. The array of flowers that are supposedly for our graduation have not grown yet and I guess somehow it hasn't set the mood yet for us graduating batch.

Just a little over a month left, and we're about to march for graduation already. The remaining days of school may not have been too pleasant, but I know it wouldn't be for long. As I put the last stone in place, I hope to make it a fulfilling and worthwhile moment.

This last stone marks I DID WELL. no to mediocrity, that is.

burger! burger! burger!

"AYEN!!!!!!!!!! You made it!!! CONGRATS dear!" -ais

I've been waiting for this moment when I'd be able to blog about this.


i am officially part of UP College of Medicine 2014. :)

Results came out a day earlier. In the middle of our chem31 experiment, two of my classmates were already shouting because they got a text message saying they passed UPCM. I could not concentrate on the experiment anymore because i had not received any text message yet. it was already making my knees weak, and my insides were already shouting. I had to ask a favor from a friend to know if I passed or not, and her reply was the one quoted above. i wanted to shout, but I couldn't. suddenly i felt my tears coming out, and they were joyous tears.

Yes, Dad. I passed! :) I passed, Dad. I couldn't help it. I think I cried upon finding out because I imagined how you'd be so proud of me if you were here. I almost called you at your work to tell you I passed, only to remember you're not at work anymore. But I would have called, and we would have celebrated together even if the rest of the family couldn't be with us yet. I wish I could tell you personally that I passed UPCM. I imagine you shaking my hand, acting like we're on stage, and me just hugging you back because I'm just so happy. It's to see your face and that same look you gave me during my debut. Any only daughter would know how priceless it is to be looked upon with pride by her dad.

Dad, I passed!!! :)

sleepee coffy

drowsed by fatigue and boredom. the edge of my eyelids are held tightly to caffeine.

wootwooweewoo

because sometimes you just can't help but be happy amidst stress and pressure.

what's the point?

*teaching points, lines and rays to my tutee*

k: what do you call this *pointing to a drawing of a ray*
e: hmm. hmm.
k: you can see this in a sun
e: i can't see the sun, we're inside the house.
k: *drew the sun with rays* this one, what do you call this?
e: a line?
k: yes, but what do you call it specifically?
e: i don't know.
k: it's a ray. remember? this is a ray, right?
e: OH. you should have said "Jesus" as a clue.
k: huh? why?
e: Jesus raised the dead, right?
k: ... :|

mygoodness. i didn't know how i'd feel after. i felt stupid somehow, like i needed to go back to some catechism class i had. haha!

k: a line segment has two endpoints.
e: okay.
k: what does a line segment have?
e: 2 M-points. :D

hahah nice.

what's the point?
The point is, point M.

pacing

I think pacing as a word needs a little more exposure to a lot of people these days. We are in this day and age where urgency seems to be the primary push for progress, but I think pacing is one important aspect that's not given much thought.

----
ace
pace
paced
paced out.
s p a c e d o u t .


:)

"the secret to happiness is compromise."

"the secret to happiness is compromise."

i am awed. I've been typing and erasing entries since last night, and finally I got to a more blog-worthy topic at hand. yay. haha

The line above came from an episode of Extreme Bodies from Discovery Channel. It featured Laurie and Reba who are conjoined twins. They are connected through their brain, specifically in their frontal lobes. They've been connected with each other for about 42 years, and they have learned to live with it their whole lives. They live normal lives with completely separate individualities despite their little connection in the head. Amazing, you know? because even with the fact that their brains are conjoined, and at the frontal lobe at that, they have separate personalities, and they have separate neural circuitry. It was tested and shown that they do not share thoughts nor sensation. I am awed by the fact that they still have different personalities, and moreover, by the fact that they live in a very difficult situation, and yet they are perfectly happy and content. Thus, the line, "the secret to happiness is compromise."

"I don't wake up in the morning thinking, 'Oh my goodness, I'm a conjoined twin'. I don't go to bed with the last thing on my mind 'I'm a conjoined twin'. I go to bed wondering if I turned off the stove or if I didn't leave the house with something running that shouldn't be. I'm just a normal person with a little connection with my sister." - Laurie

eh?

ogrelygoogliewoo.

wolley
yellow

Wobbley Morning

There are mornings when you wake up and you know how packed the day's going to be, and for some reason during these times gravity seems to pull you closer to the ground, and it gets harder to get yourself to move. time seems to be ticking fine, but your sense of it seems slowed down. hours and hours have passed, it already felt productive for you, but when you look at the work you've finished, you're barely halfway through. I wonder, do people see me in slow-motion as I see them move faster than normal? I hope they hear and see me fine as I WObBLe my way through.

I smell aldehydes and ketones already. I need to go!